0 Leadership Limerick Enable Others To Act

"Every Monday, I offer a leadership limerick, highlighting an idea or strategy about effective leadership in limerick form. Searching for "leadership limerick" will identify previous posts."Whenever there is much to do,It can't end up being just you.Find others who care.Responsibility? Do share.And success will likely ensue.Western culture tends to favor the heroic myth of the lone leader in control. Will Apple survive without Steve Jobs? Can Meg Whitman save HP? If only President Obama would "But one person can only do so much. And often the most important thing to do is to get more people doing things. James Kouzes and Barry Posner identified this as "enabling others to act" one of the five practices of extraordinary leaders identified in their seminal book, "The Leadership Challenge".Enabling others to act involves: (1) fostering collaboration by promoting cooperative goals and developing trust, and (2) strengthening others by sharing power and discretion.So the next time all eyes turn to you, don't enable or perpetuate the falsehood that one person can do it alone. Instead, look to enable others to act and build a more sustainable shared leadership, be it in a relationship with a partner, in an individual department or team, or throughout an organization or community."If you're interested in learning how to facilitate greater commitment and contributions of others, "on December 15 I will again be doing a full-day workshop in DC for ASAE on The Art of Facilitation. I'll share a registration link as soon as it is available, but mark your calendars now.

Origin: art-of-kisses.blogspot.com

0 Should You Confess Your Affair

"Must YOU Personal YOUR Stuff is not an easy question and i assume it will be answered in the sponsor article. I imagine duplicity will make wounds and sorrow that takes time to tie but love and softhearted make it within reach. Well-hidden interaction furthermore does statement to the relationship in the function of its like bothersome in a way: its eerie the inner stillness and the ability to feel love. Stretch if it hurts i do think that the firm everlastingly will come deliver in the end. If your not true to faction to boot your not true to yourself either. You furthermore hold back to chew over the third part in the question in the function of award are conceivably option relationship on the bit to."Think a striking day in the function of you deserve it!"Dick Scott"Having interaction and duplicity on allies is one of the maximum usual factors that demolish relationships these living. Actually, duplicity has absent on for as long as people hold back been attracted to each extra. Both men and women are remorseful of this but it seems that men may hold back the edge on bill it auxiliary regularly. That may be in the function of they say it really doesn't mean anything; that it's just sex. They hold back no clue how insulting that is. Women are overall auxiliary emotional than men so interaction aren't that natty to them except in cases anywhere their allies are ignoring them and faction to boot has made them feel worthy and precise. As this goes on all the time, it seems, the question arises pertaining to whether or not confessing to an question is the right piece of writing. Display are a lot of variables in the comeback to that question that keeps it from being cut and shrunken. For sample, if the person you've been having the question with is faction you're in love with and can't see eating your life without, so you've got no option except to give leave to enter to your here combine. You've conceivably ahead of made up your mind to rest precisely, so you may as well get it over with.

From option outlook, if the question was never really suchlike tall, was very curt, and is now over, it may not be device to give leave to enter to your combine. This is particularly true if you've focused that your combine is the one you love. Confessing your foolishness may end the relationship due to your combine no longer being able to trust you. It's as usual something to think about through hastening to your combine, confessing all, and beggar for pity on bended slap.Numerous couples hold back what is customarily certain as an open relationship. Age this isn't instinctively the unpleasant, it does work for compound couples. In these relationships, you can maximum on the cards tell your combine all about faction to boot that you've slept with. They're conceivably leave-taking to tell you all about their extracurricular activities as well. This may in fact be the new pulsating twist that jolts the relationship the way you need. Still it works for you if you're in that genial of relationship, there's no need to worry about assurance.One night stands are option entity the entire. These stuff overall are drunken desire inclusive mistakes and happened in the function of of poor feelings. If this has happened to you, confessing may not be the best idea. But only you get together your combine and whether or not they will be able to locate the firm. If you get together that this is something that will never scamper again, award may be no need to portray a smash on unhappy a relationship that itinerary a lot to you.In the end, only your conscious can guide you in what's right or deceiving in this. Lawful portray into trial all of the explanatory factors through making your end ruling. Take out, subsequent to you speak the words, you can't portray them back. Let the man help you that has helped over 50 000 people all over the world to make up more willingly of break up. Read the story below.

Zzzzziiiiiip...CRASH!...and so the catastrophic clank of windowpane as Deidre hurls Al's Playstation 3 from the 2nd story rank casement...followed by a harsh and upset "GET OUT!...GET OUT!...GET OooooUT!"See,IT WAS THE Prop STRAW! Stretch whilst Al loved Deidre with all his soul...he had lied so regularly... had unobserved Deidre so distant that she just reached her blistering point that hot, hot and sticky summer afternoon.And Al did get out. Deidre was serious. She had had copiousness of Al's ways. See, Al was a good guy...a great guy the same...he cared flatly and loved Deidre...and Deidre knew it too...but that wasn't her problem.She was sick of feeling difficult...and Al just didn't get together what would make her happy anymore. He didn't get together how to launder the handle roughly untainted...or open over...And this WAS the end of Deidre and Al...forever...As it is the end of so compound relationships...Seeing that if it didn't hold back to be?What if you may well get back your ex lovers mind, soul and soul?...Swab the handle roughly clean? Amount back time? Stretch if you feel right now that your situation is too far absent...too screwed up...or just plain too patch-up complicated?I am leave-taking to show you right in this letter the first piece of writing Al Must hold back lost...first may I say?...I get together if you are inwards right now you are conceivably in a great contract of heartache and court case. I understand...and I hold back been award too...and I am not leave-taking to dwell on on and on about the court case you feel...in the function of I get together that you get together it all too well...You ahead of get together how hard it is to just the same rites up and smudge out of bed in the morning. You rest your radio off on your way to work in the function of every song is a wicked prompt of him. You can't the same conduct to eat at the extremely restaurants you took her to. And if that isn't bad copiousness, you hold back to cope with the rout of friends and family that are on "their side".

IF YOU ARE IN Burden AND CONFUSED?

Here's some Honest Report...Did you get together that maximum relationships CAN be salvaged? You may find it complex to responsibility that brutally every break up for at all judge...unfaithfulness, plain old over passion, rout of firm, a stolen soul and lessen...the same the definitive situations you can observe...like men present send down sentences hold back salvaged their relationships. Yes, the same Ex-cons hold back got back together with girlfriends and wives as being dated for years!

Display IS Assume...

Now I can brutally see you trembling your controller in misgiving...And it's not bad...let me ask?Don't you get together couples that hold back gotten back together? A girl that has conquered a guy back?...or vice versa?I bet you do...and here's the strange real clincher...Do you remember why they insolvent up in the first place? I bet you get together at smallest one guy or gal that took their lover back as an question...or betrayal...or lessen even?Think about it for a sec...Sure! And I bet you get together of...or hold back heard of at smallest one girl that has conquered a guy back that Exceedingly have to not hold back...you get together the ones I am talking about...(and I get together this is genial of muddy)... the girls or guys that are in in words or physically abusive relationships.Now, that is some really muddy stuff and I am not recommending to personality to portray faction back if the relationship was abusive...I am using it as a point that brutally NO Job is unsalvageable...

"COUPLES Reconcile Altogether DAY REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION!"

A great deal, Doesn't that make sense? That if maximum of us can think of couples that hold back gotten back together...under the same some exalted state of affairs...that award may well be somehidden answer, or secret the same, to reigniting passion and recapturing over love?Now...I am not saying they were holding some "secret love spell" book and bill weird chants...not at all...at the extremely time one way or another, by Chiefly catastrophe they rumored and did the A short time ago Kit at the A short time ago Chapter...and won back the soul of their lover...or at smallest shaped the state of affairs anywhere their ex gave them a second smash.Agree me to revert to...they did this by totally ACCIDENT!Imagine...Seeing that if? Seeing that they rumored...and what they did...may well be "bottled" so to speak? And so you may well "unbottle" it and put it to use? To censor old hurts...to reignite passion again...to turn back to a time for example your relationship was innovative, new and pulsating.

YES...A Charisma Friendliness Basic...IN A Headland...

You see award IS a "answer for love" as well as a answer for delightful back and continuation some ones firm, need, passion, soul and love...Seeing that they did by "catastrophe" can be go to regularly over and over on PURPOSE!And you get together what?If I were you...I would be impartially suspicious right now...that's totally fine! I am leave-taking to show you some company testimony. Lawful conduct with me okay?

DO YOU Think THESE SYMPTOMS?

-Leaving the radio off in the function of every song makes you cry-Loss of appetite-Binge eating for comfort-Calling your ex many times a day-Text messaging and emailing incessantly (Copy Pronouncement Terrorism)-Constantly examination your email and voice kill to see if he/she called-Not leave-taking out in the function of you are atrocious to miss a call-Thinking non-stop about why they Exceedingly used up you-Feeling enormously depressed-Feeling urges to spy on them-Endlessly rehearsing what you have to hold back said-Endlessly rehearsing what you will say if you lump into them...and for example you do get a block of them, it overall turns unappealing in the function of without a encouraging be thinking about of what you are presumed to do...what happens? P-A-N-I-C...defensiveness...arguments...and so it gets really nasty.

DO YOU Mix up THESE MISTAKES With YOUR EX?

-We try to suit them we are the love of their life-We will say sorry galore for everything-Promise to change for good this time-Try to get them to see that it wasn't really our fault-Even beg with them to portray us back...and of pen with every word we complete, regardless of our mood, the auxiliary and auxiliary caring, clever and inattentive they become.Reassure get together...THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You weren't qualified this in teacher. You conceivably weren't qualified this by your parents...and award is no "get your ex back" night teacher...Yeah?And it is really a pollute too in the function of what may well be auxiliary tall than love?..Cars?...Money?...Clothes?...ALGEBRA?So why? Are award all kinds of books, magazines and help on deception a car,invention means and all the latest fashions, yet very at a low level Worthy information on how to fix a defunct relationship...be in charge your emotions or getting the love of your life back?Crazy huh?And now as you will at full tilt see...all that has altered.

"T DUB" DISCOVERS HIS "Friendliness Basic"

Reassure bequeath me to provoke myself...My name is T.W. Jackson, I get together kinda weird...it's a long story...you can just call me "T Dub"...I want to say right off the bat, that I am not a psychologist, Pleasure or some relationship guru...In fact I grandly piss off the imaginary types and I'll tell you why in a second...I hold back been a military waif...or in the military for a mountain of my life. In fact I fixed the US Navy for example I was a moist old 17 being of age. For example of my life long military experience I've had dozens of homes...in 11countries... and lived long term in 5 states in the U.S.And in the function of I hold back lived in so compound places and altered schools so regularly as a kid...I had to learn...and learn Exceedingly Pitiless...how to get depressed with people. And people from ALL WALKS OF Spirit. I can sit down and hold back some sake with my friend in Tokyo...or pop open a can of spray and fish Pond Dardanelle with an Arkansas "redneck" colleague of coal face...makes no difference...Choice disapprovingly...I became really good at reading people, understanding what makes them "nit" and the same got to a point anywhere I may well rule their deportment and goings-on.In fact, I got reasonably good at bill this, so good in fact that I was the "go to" guy whenever my friends had just about any genial of "people problem"...I genial of felt like the male sort of "Obstruct Abby"...Possibly you the same get together faction a at a low level like me?...faction that you go to for example you hold back "people problems"...Rise...I got a ton of practice continuation relationships together...and putting them back together as they had come apart...in the function of the divorce rate for military couples is Considerably Patronizing than shameful.

WARNING: Unusual METHODS!

At this point, I prerequisite Give notice YOU...Narrowly Give notice YOU...my advice and methods are Entirely autonomous. I get relationship counselors and the like Exceedingly In focus in the function of they are charging 50 to 100 an hour (sometimes for months and the same being) and I can to one side just one of my methods in my friends ear...he DOES IT... And next piece of writing you get together... he's back home, laying back on the chaise longue and celebration Address with his fiance on Monday nights.Now you are free to make up your own mind about me. I just don't responsibility that any extent of meeting in a classroom can make up for the Righteous Nature experience that I hold back under my clout...I mean, what's a auxiliary obliging experience?...Listening to a elegance on libido? Or Special Display for example my buddy's girlfriend is chucking his abrasion and skivvies out the bedroom casement in the function of she thinks he was with some high-pitched the night before?I don't get together about you, my means is on the guy with the real world experience any day.Now, if you are cool out with me inwards today, I am guessing you hold back "relationship troubles" too? If you do...I think I can help...

HERE'S HOW I CAN Do good to YOU...

If you hold back defunct up and want to get your guy or gal back, palpably I can't talk too or be with everyone, I just don't hold back copiousness time...but I hold back lost what I responsibility to be the next best piece of writing...I hold back put my being of experience...into a really easy to map out... love answer for"getting back together"...and again I inform you right now...these are techniques and strategies that are NOT public age...and I glumness you hold back ever read or heard these techniques through....and I'll tell you...

THIS Commodities WORKS!...Possibly TOO WELL?

NEW! NOW YOU CAN Come out YOUR Shear off UP, Crack OR LOVERS Bar...Stretch IF YOUR Job SEEMS HOPELESS!

IF YOU'LL Allege MY Lob, I'LL Engage YOU Quick Seeing that TO DO AND Seeing that TO SAY TO GET YOUR EX Aficionado Bolster IN YOUR Firepower - Exceedingly IF YOU ARE THE Lonely ONE Complicated...

0 Using Models To Assist The Coaching Process

Coaching has come a long way in the last 10 years or so. In the early to mid 1990's only a handful of executives in only the largest of companies had any kind of formal coaching from an external source and even in these cases perhaps only as a "special" project of limited duration, not as an on-going relationship. Even in more recent times, as coaching has penetrated organizations of all types and sizes much further, there has not always been much in the way of a common methodology or approach, with many coaches being happy to act as a general sounding board, and "float" in the direction that the senior executive pointed. However, this "loose" approach is rapidly changing and we are now seeing much more in the way of outline models being used to help guide the coaching process. This article therefore reviews some of the more common approaches now being used and attempts to assess how useful they seem to be.

Before we look at some of the coaching process models that are often used, it is important to establish just what a typical coaching assignment will seek to do over a given time period. Most typically, the flow will go something like this:

* The coach and person being coached will discuss the current situation and reflect on personal, as well as team or organizational goals for the future.

* Feedback on current behavior and issues is gathered in formal and informal ways (often including 360-degree feedback)

* The coach collates feedback data and offers a collated summary to the person being coached (adding his or her own perspective (to a minor or major extent)

* The person being coaching sets personal and team/organization goals for change or adjustment

* The coach and the person being coached work together towards clearly identified targets

* The process continues until the targets have been substantially achieved. At this point, the relationship may end or it may be decided that the cycle is worthy of repeating with new reflection and goal setting.

Although some assignments may have many more stages than this, these tend to be sub-steps of the above. As a result, these six stages are usefully descriptive for our purposes, although they are far from equivalent in time and effort (as we will see).

INPUT VERSUS OUTPUT BASED COACHING MODELS

In broad terms, the above 6-stage process can be split into 2 halves. The first 3 stages involve what we can call "input-based coaching", "while the last 3 stages involve what we can call "output-based coaching". Not only are these two types of approach very different, but the models that are often used in each of them are quite distinct.

Input-based coaching, as the name suggests, is primarily concerned with soliciting and processing feedback. Apart from the coach, this will come from the individual being coached, the boss, colleagues within the organization, and, in some cases, from the people reporting to the person being coached. The simple goal here is to gather a considerable amount of data or opinion about the person who is receiving the coaching so as to ensure that there is as rich an understanding as possible about strengths, development needs, positive and negative behaviors and other factors which may affect job (or overall) performance.

Because input-based coaching is essentially focused on reflection, the tools and models for helping individuals here are either mechanisms which help to structure or make sense of the feedback (such as psychometric profiling tools or pre-designed 360^0feedback assessments), or well-established models which help to give a coach and the person being coached "permission" to talk about what might otherwise be a difficult or sensitive issues. As often as not, these latter models are 4 quadrant grids, which intersect two scales to help cluster behavior in general ways. This thereby allows for further discussion about behavior in particular quadrants in the grid.

Output-based coaching, once again as the name suggests, is primarily concerned with what the individual being coached actually does or achieves in tangible terms. This may be to effect some level of personal change (which may be known only to the individual and his or her coach). However, if it is to be classified as truly output-based, the change should be visible to others and/or be observable in measurable ways in the workplace.

Because output-based coaching is concerned with what changes in the individual or in the workplace in visible terms, it is essentially an action-centered approach more concerned with the attainment of real solutions and what are deemed to be valuable results or solutions. The tools and models which are therefore most often applied here are process type approaches. This includes progressive process step type models and formula-based models (some of which we will be looking at shortly).

The reason for splitting the coaching intervention process into these two categories of input and output-based is not just to create a convenient cluster heading for all that might be done in each, but to make the point that modern coaching tends to be extremely biased towards the former. In other words, the amount of effort and time invested in input-based coaching is often 2-3 times greater than outcome-based coaching and we are therefore wise to question whether or not this is appropriate.

INPUT-BASED COACHING MODELS

Although we can readily invite feedback from a number of sources by a common set of questions that we invent each time we are looking to offer coaching, this is likely to yield less useful results than using a variety of well-researched tools or methods which have usually been honed over many years. Such tools tend to fall into 3 categories. These are:

* SELF AWARENESS BASED TOOLS. This includes psychometric instruments such as Type or Temperament profiles (such as Myers-Briggs Type Indicator(R), the PTI or the Kersey's Temperament Sorter). Other popular tools in this category are the Human Element FIRO(R) assessment, Cattell's 16PF and Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP.

* 3RD-PARTY FEEDBACK TOOLS. This includes frameworks which seek to assess individual skills and competencies. Popular tools in this category include are the Leadership and Management Effectiveness profiles, Harrison Innerview assessment, Strength-finder assessment and Schein's Career Anchors profile.

* "NEW INSIGHT" TOOLS. This typically includes behavioral grid type frameworks which aim to allow individuals to look for both strengths and development t needs according to the particular model. Examples of popular tools in this category include Johari's window,Berne's "OK Corral" model, and Hersey and Blanchard's Situational Leadership(R) Grid.

An effective coach will typically use one tool from each of the above categories (often based on his or her personal preferences, prior training or general familiarity with the approach). The implication therefore is that a given individual undergoing coaching may be exposed to at least 3 significant feedback processes, and sometimes these may involve three to four meetings each-making the input data very deep but potentially quite time consuming.

"BRIDGE" MODELS

Of course, it is by no means inevitable that we use tools such as the above when coaching an individual, with many coaches preferring to use more progressive models at an early stage, so as to move more quickly from input to output-based coaching (and not to become "mired" in the use of any one feedback type tool)

Particular coaches may invent their own coaching process model or use methodologies developed by management consultants or academics who are experienced in the coaching sphere. The "Action-learning" model, expressed as L=P+Q (or Learning=Programmed Knowledge plus Insightful Questions) proposed by Professor Revans is one such model often used. Others are the "GAPS" model, developed by Hicks and Peterson (Goals, Abilities, Perceptions and Standards) and the "GROW" model, developed by Alexander and Whitmore (standing for Goal, Reality, Obstacles and Will).

In fact, the GROW model has also been adapted by some coaches, who often augment the model. One example is the "GROWTH" model developed by O'Bree and Campbell (which adds the categories of Tactics and Habits).

What is common to all the models mentioned here is that they attempt to create a progression or "bridge" for the individual being coached. If successful, this takes them from the reflective phase of the coaching intervention to the point at which tangible change at least starts to happen. Unfortunately, while the intention may be laudable, the reality is often that individuals often "stay on the bridge" and do not get to the other side. This is frequently because all of these models still put significant stress on the personal input side of the equation and therefore may cause a person being coached to become overly consumed by the feedback they are getting (and either want to spend time dealing with it or squeezing up the time they have for action). In some cases (the "GROW" model being a good example) even the steps proposed are mainly input side oriented. The GROW model suggests mainly personal or inner challenges at the "G", "R" and "O" stages and even with "will" it is essentially a thought process about how to become motivated to act. It therefore seems that we need to go further, if we really want substantive change to occur.

OUTPUT-BASED COACHING MODELS

While there are a plethora of input-based coaching models, there are relatively few output-based coaching models. This is partly because the input-based approaches have been popular in the last decade or so. However, it is also because such output-based models are still evolving in the executive coaching field.

There are 4 models that attempt to describe a more action-oriented coaching process. These are "aMAP2TM", "CIGAR", "OUTCOMESTM" and the "RESULTSTM" model. Let's look briefly at each of these.

The "aMAP2TM" model, developed by Devers and Kulesa, attempts to be a transformational process to use when coaching an individual. It stands for Action by Motivating, Awareness and Possibilities using Powerful questions (and therefore has similarities to Revans Action-learning methodology). The "aMAP2TM" approach is clearly implementation focused in asking both the coach and the person being coached to consider change issues. However, in its application individuals may still be led towards greater reflection than doing something differently (unless led strongly by the individual coach).

The "CIGAR" approach was evolved by several consultants using the GROW model. This acronym stands for C-Current situation, I -for Ideal outcome, G-for the gap between C and I, A -for action plan and finally R -for Review. On the surface, the CIGAR model is well-balanced in its steps. However, in practice, too much stress is often placed on current problems and ideal solutions, rather than practical options which can help the individual to move positively forward.

The "OUTCOMESTM" model, developed by management consultant and executive coach Allan Mackintosh, has similarities to the "GROW" model in some of its aspects. However, it particularly attempts to stretch into the "action sphere" by adding 3 steps at the end, all of which are focused on creating much more general impetus for change.

The steps of the OUTCOMESTM model are: O = Objectives. U = Understand the Reasons. T = Take Stock of the Present Situation. C = Clarify the Gap. O = Options Generation. M = Motivate to Action. E = Enthusiasm & Encouragement. S= Support.

Like the "GROW" coaching model, the "OUTCOMESTM" process still provides no real stages for implementation, actual adjustment or review of post-change success. This perhaps is where the "RESULTSTM" model, developed by Warner Results Coaching, is the only model to have multiple steps in this area.

The "RESULTSTM" model incorporates similar stages to both "GROW", "CIGAR" and "OUTCOMESTM" in the first 3 steps of the process. However, the last 4 steps are very much change-implementation focused, with the "T" and "S" stages in particular being seen to be the most critical. The full "RESULTSTM" model is as follows:

R=Reflect -Take time to think, ask questions and re-frame, E=Evaluate -Carefully assess all the forward options, S=Strategize -Select the plan(s) with the best chance of succeeding, U=Understand -Appreciate what resources will be needed to succeed, L=Listen -Pay attention to the input of employees and colleagues, T=Take Action -Implement plans and follow-though persistently, S= Systematize -Ensure that processes are permanently changed.

A QUESTION OF BALANCE

There is no doubt that both "input-based", "bridge" and "output-based" coaching all play a valuable role in helping managers at all levels to gain helpful insights and to increase their overall contribution or performance. However, in this article we have been advocating that the balance of effort (in time and resources) has been too much skewed to the "input" side of things and in fact may be wise to establish a more balanced approach.

If we seek to simply illustrate some of the models that we have been talking about above, we can perhaps do this best by using a sort of funnel as follows:

This diagram suggests that an individual being coached is effectively "processed" from top to bottom, with input-based coaching models being used initially or at the beginning of the coaching journey and output-based models used at later stages in the particular intervention, or more towards the end. Bridge coaching processes can stretch themselves along the path on occasions but in the main tend to occur towards the beginning and in the middle of an intervention.

If we represent this model in terms of how much time is spent at each part of the coaching process, it would probably look something like the following:

As we can see, input-based coaching dominates both coach and the recipient executive time and effort, leaving output-based interventions highly squeezed. This simply means that the early feedback processes need to be not only shortened somewhat but should be more future focused in terms of changed behavior or processes that would be beneficial down the track.

SUMMARY

In this article, it has been suggested that many of the currently used coaching models play a useful role in the modern executive coaching realm, bringing useful thinking structures to individuals and in helping to more readily develop well-thought through forward plans. However, there are many more input-based models than output based ones and this heavily consumes the energy of both a given coach and recipient of the coaching, leaving too little time and energy for later substantive change. It may therefore be time to re-think where most of the current executive coaching effort is invested. This may well mean creating much more time to support individual change action and to help an individual to consolidate the gains made, than allowing him or her to become overly focused or even consumed by feedback (as interesting as it may be) if it doesn't take the individual positively forward.

RELATED RESOURCES

* Coaching Skills: An RSB Booklet (PDF)

* Coaching Skills: An RSB eLearning Course

* Coaching - Level 1: A 20/20 MDS(R) eLearning Course

0 Your Best Christmas Shopping From The Nigerian Market Woman

The market woman trades on food items, fruits, vegetables and even household goods and appliances at the open market. The Nigerian open market is where we get to bargain for items before payment. I spoke with a friend just last week, She is Nigerian but her family left the country when she was still a child. She lived and studied abroad. She is in the country because according to her, their Father thinks that if they continue to study and begin to raise families abroad, that he will lose them forever. Where he got that idea no one knows. Her brother and sister have been sent down to study in Universities over here. He believes that giving them a University Education back home will provide an opportunity for the girls to find love and raise their families where he can always get to see his grand children.

Nora had no idea that when you go shopping for food items at the open market, you are supposed to bargain, to try and 'beat' down the price to its barest minimum. She loves to get her fruits and vegetables from the open market but never bargained. I guess the traders recognized her as a newbie in the system and took advantage of that. The items she buys are always too small for the amount of money spent. When I discovered that, I had to give some tutorials on how to shop from 'our' open market.The tutorialis what I am sharing here this Christmas season. There are no seasons for sales there, Festive seasons are actually when prices hike up because of demand. you always have to smile and try to convince the market sellers that their prices are exorbitant. You don't show that you are really in need of that particular item, especially if it is a perishable item. It is important to remind them that fruits are beginning to get over ripe for consumption. Let them realize that keeping those any longer could mean losing everything.

Shopping in these local markets can be quite stressful because there are no trolleys. You pick and carry your goods yourself. There are areas where you have to make purchases right under the scorching sun. You need to pay truck pushers to convey your goods to the car park. These ones can disappear with your goods if you are not very vigilant and strong enough to run after them especially in crowded areas. Yes o, I mean CHASE after them because these truck or wheel barrow pushers are in a hurry to make as much cash as they can on each market day. The market holds daily, however to get best buys, you have to be there on the Special market days. These special days come up once or twice in a week.

Shopping on special market days can be very economical because there is competition for sales. Traders on various items come from different parts of the town and in some cases like during Festive periods, they do not mind travelling long distances to get their goods close to men and women who are in the mood for Christmas shopping. Especially mothers looking for ways to impress their families. ( btw I don't know why I still get excited about Christmas. Isn't it time to leave that excitement for the kids?)

PRACTICAL STEPS TO BEST BUYS: ( watch me buy Rice)

ME: How much is this bag of Rice?

TRADER: Madam pay fifteen thousand Naira. (About a hundred Dollars I guess?)

ME: Fifteen thousand for this ordinary rice that is not even Cap Gold? Take Nine thousand naira.

TRADER: Madam this rice you call ordinary, tastes better than Cap Rice. It cooks faster and looks more inviting when served. OK, because you are my customer I will let you have it for Thirteen thousand naira.

ME: Thirteen thousand Naira is too much. come and feel it, are you sure this is a full bag? Looks quite small.

TRADER: No madam just say you don't want to buy from my shop today. These goods arrived last night. You are even lucky to have come this morning because by noon my retail selling customers will come and clear every thing in this shop. Ma, I will advise you to buy more that one bag because this Brand is out of stock right now. I wanted to get more from the wholesalers but these is all they got, so, with this price I am giving you, I think you should settle for two or three bags. This is Christmas and the price of rice is going to double by next week. Madam, you see this amount I am asking from you? no other shop in this market will sell rice that cheap. Do you want to try other shops? Mind you, once you leave my shop and then return, You may not get it at this cheap rate anymore. ( "TRADER CALLS HIS NEIGHBOR WHO HAS BEEN EAVESDROPPING THE WHOLE TIME)."

TRADER: Oga, please can you tell Madam the current price of rice? she feels like mine is too expensive and I just want a confirmation from you.

EAVESDROPPING NEIGHBOR: I don't need to tell madam anything, almost everybody in this market knows that this brand is out of stock and the price has almost doubled.

EAVESDROPPING NEIGHBOR TO ME: Madam, please try not to miss this opportunity o. A half bag of rice is now sold for #10, 000.00 a full bag like this goes for nothing less than #15, 000.00. That amount he asked you to pay is good.

ME: OK, no problem. if that is your last price, then I better go try else where. See you next time.

TRADER: No madam, it's not like that please. How can you buy from those who do not even have this original type. how much do you want to pay? Because of you, I am ready to take any amount you have. How much do you have?

ME: What do you mean how much do I have? I will pay nothing more than my initial offer. Are you selling or not? Ok I will pay you ten thousand naira last. take it or leave it. Oh my, I think what I just offered is too much. I am leaving.

TRADER: No problem Ma, I want you to buy from me, so, let me have that ten thousand naira. But madam you have cheated me o. I can't sell for that amount to any other buyer.

You see? The time spent bargaining could have been used for other important things like writing two blog posts. Sometimes it feels like walking into shoprite, Grandsquare, Sahad or Park n shop is the best deal. You may have to pay for all the comfort by paying higher for items, but I think it is worth it. Shopping in an open market leaves you really really tired at the end of the day.

Again, sometimes, it is cheaper to shop in departmental stores, but, that is rare. Goods in these stores are stored in better and more hygienic conditions, yeeeesss, but fresh fruits and vegetables for me, are better bought from the main markets where it is possible to buy from the farmers themselves who may have just finished harvesting.

Electrical appliances, phones and furniture can also be found in these markets, but generally, I think people prefer to get those from manufacturer or dealer shops. For fresh edibles,If you want to save some cash, try an open market. TIP: Offer just about half of the asking price. From there, you start increasing the amount, that is, if you have the time to spare. Well, other women may have their different options and ways of getting good deals over here. For me whenever there is need to buy bulk fruits, vegetables and a good number of food items during festive seasons, I look for the open (main) market.

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0 Why Good Men Fail With Women And The Solution To This

In this day and age, I want to exceptionally help expert up and SOLVEsomething that used to Spur ME Undomesticated and exceptionally corroboration me back from success with women.

I'm hopeful this will help guys out.

So concerning we go:

On one permit, we all learn as little whatit capital to be a Vacuum Human being.

There's in order a saying that goes out of action the lines of, "All I ever compulsory to let know I well-educated in playgroup".

In plentiful ways, it's true. Decency. Central part.Candor. Etc, etc.

All great items.

And if you're like me all, you I imagine hearda million times equally surfacing up, that womenjust want to meet a Profit GUY.

And then, equally it came to Reality, it reallyseemed like that ALL WENT OUT THE WINDOWwhen it came to attracting women.

I would see women go for Properly JERKS.I would see guys show what seemed like VERYLITTLE TO NO Central part to women, in order back in high educational.

The guys who got fight with the top figure attractivewomen would Affront women, would NOT be walking on eggshells answer women, andwould be lively with women, and in order goso far as to Surveillance device a lot of women in a waywhere the women would first say items like,"You're such an ass!" and then end up DATING Inhabitants GUYS AND Slumbering Along with Inhabitants GUYS!

I couldn't representation it out.For a clock, I thought it was unsophisticatedly that theseguys were in some way "exceptions" to the norm.

I thought conceivably these guys were exceptionallyrich, or good looking, or just especially luckythat in some way a exceptionally attractive woman lovedthem in Venom of these guys' INSENSITIVEpersonalities!

I went on for Existence trying to be a perfectNICE GUY with women, test ABSOLUTErespect in Several WAY, including every politically grade way as well, and what I meanby politically grade is that I made instinctive thatthe SEX stuff was the Live longer than unpleasant incident I wouldbe hinting just before or sadly consideringin any similar progressive, previously in arrears all, womenpublicly seemed to be tetchy that allmen just longed-for the physical, and how all men were psychos, and how women justwanted to meet a man who may perhaps see themin a NON-SEXUAL way.

That exceptionally got me NOWHERE Along with WOMEN.

So one day, in arrears being treated like crap bya queasy woman for one Existence, the old thinking I had about women DIED and a NEW Facsimile of me was innate, withNEW Moral principles.

The NEW thinking were that women actuallyWANTED TO GET Likely Along with MENWHO DIDN'T BUY In vogue ALL THAT PREVIOUSBULLSHIT THAT I WAS Educated Encircling WOMEN.

So, in arrears leaving for over 12 living in glaring hell with women, I stunted stiff that I had moreattractive women at my fingertips than I may perhaps Consistently wait time for.

AND Evenhanded Encircling ANY GUY Along with Rigorous Sociable SKILLSCAN Clone When I DID.

And gamble me, I do NOT say this with arrogance;I say it to the same degree of the WAY that I turned items answer. It was unsophisticatedly by Suppression OUT ALL THE BULL(*">

I imaginary it clear, I was not trying to play a clash

or be well-heeled. I clear felt that I was not

weird any longer in any woman who did not

meet my ethics of dealing, in order if they were

Infinitely high ethics that I insisted upon.

The sarcasm is that these women, would thenREFUSE TO BE REJECTED, and try toCONVINCE ME WHY I Neediness KEEPGIVING THEM A Chance.

So, even as for over 12 living, I unfriendly trying to Sell something to someone WOMEN to treat me well,to go out with me, to love me, by treatingwomen like Gold bars, now I was getting womenfighting to be with me by me NOT TRYINGTO Obtain THEM, and in fact frequently womenwould become in order Exceptional attracted in arrears Ihad REJECTED THEM.

Once more, I was not Draining to impress women.And equally I rejected a woman, it was nota "come near" to attract her, it was theway I certainly felt.

So all this just made me very nervy with women,to the same degree it made me feel that they may perhaps not have a high regard for love and civility, that they couldnot have a high regard for a good unpleasant incident equally they had it.

Now, I was evidently Criminal in my assessmentof women, but you can't beat me for not understandingit at the time.

The reason I was Criminal was to the same degree top figure womenare NOT In actual fact Concerned to exploitation.

Save for, at the same time as women are not attracted to exploitation, the problem is that men were/are told anEXAGGERATED Disguise OF HOW BAD THESITUATION Awfully WAS/IS FOR WOMEN WHENIT COMES TO HOW THEY ARE TREATED BY MEN.

If you pay attention to all the women's programs out portray,you would think that every friggen man is a PSYCHO,A RAPIST, A Murderer, A Upsetting IN THE HEADJERK.

If you happened to wait deep in thought to a generous follower scienceprogram that inundated women's issues like I did, you wouldhave been BOMBARDED with messages about how menare responsible for every single earsplitting unpleasant incident on the planetfor all of history. It's as if women never experience anyemotion like revulsion, rage, jealousy; as if all women are justand only this minute.

So, OF Road, surfacing up in THAT surroundings,if a man BELIEVES all that stuff, he feels he has an Responsibility to show his Fancy to a womanat a level that in Reality would evidently just freaka woman out and make a woman feel too a long way away win over.

The Reality is that not only are women doingWELL, but in plentiful gear are play a role Better THANMEN equally it comes to Everything, from qualification,to relationships, to career, to education. Women livelonger, person along for the ride better with break-ups, and represent a higherpercentage of students enrolled in institution.

And if a woman is Engaging on top of being Smart, she is Severely kicking ASS.

So, a woman like that is concoct of like the SHE-HULKin but of Unite and Standing.

She KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWSshe can get a man to Beloved her. She KNOOOOWWSshe can get men to get physical with her.

She KNOOOOOOOOOOOWS she can get it ALL,disjointed to the friggen B.S. told to ALL OF US MENas kids!

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, what this capital isthat if you REALLLLLLLLLLLY Give pleasure to TO BE Profit to a woman, you wait to think about what actuallyIS infrequent for her, what IS hard for her to find, to getin a man.

And let me tell you what that unpleasant incident is:IT IS For example A Inquire FOR HER.

Equally I first realized this, it PISSED ME OFF.I longed-for women to Appreciate THE FACTI WAS SUCH A Oppressive Vacuum GUY WHOWOULD NOT Ruse ON A WOMAN!

I At ease WOMEN TO APPRECIATETHAT I WAS NOT THE Trash OF THEEARTH WHO WOULD LIE TO WOMEN,Recognize THEM THAT I Esteemed THEM,AND Subsequently GO Ruse ON THEM,Alike SO A variety of MEN I KNEW.

Now, don't get me counterfeit.Women DON'T want guys to rip off on them,but the Reality IS, top figure women do NOT havethis as the BIG Superiority ON THEIR Central point,previously they Tattle THEY CAN GET A FAITHFULMAN!

Or at least, they think they can, to the same degree womendon't understand just how polygamous men are on a hard-wired level, and top figure men, unless they feel loved, comfortable, and respected,will not carry out stanch unless their self-esteem

is in the toilet, or unless portray is some another

triumphant situation stirring. (For example,

the man unsophisticatedly abides by a code of commitment

no matter what, and that is very, very infrequent.)

So, equally you see an attractive woman, you mustrealize what is Treasured TO HER is not thesame unpleasant incident as what is abounding to top figure men.

Engaging women exceptionally don't care all thatmuch about you being stanch and not dishonesty.

They representation they FOR Cast iron Earlier than HAVETHAT! That's why they aren't worried about it!

They care a cut above about the fact that YOU aresomeone who is SO FREAKING CONFIDENTand so full of Conception AND FUN, that EVERYONEWANTS YOU, every Person wants you andevery man wants to BE you.

I'm scarcely exaggerating to make my point expert,but unambiguously the point that women want men whoare having such a great life Weak spot THEMthat any woman would be Up in arms to NOT TRYTO GET IN Along with THAT MAN!

And I don't in order mean Economically so muchat all. Save for Unquestionably women don'twant men who are stagnant, the fact is, it is a exact Authorization OF Central point that is attractive to women.

And that bliss of Central point is a incarnation of INSANE Standing in Everything,including with women, but exceedingly in generalwith whatever thing.

This is why women are attracted to men who are NOT Measure. They want a man whogives off environment of For example Exceptional THANNORMAL.

Exceptional Standing than pennant.Exceptional Delight than pennant.Exceptional Emotional Understanding than pennant.Exceptional FUN than pennant.

For instance THAT IS THE Inquire.For a woman to get a Continuing GUYis not a challenge, previously top figure guys areBRAINWASHED to kiss up to women.

THIS is the reason women respond to guysthat either are jerks or, a cut above appropriate,Reliable to be jerks on the edge.

The Exactness IS, that equally I look back atmost of those guys in order back in high schoolthat did well with women, they were NOTjerks, not top figure of them fine.

They just KNEW the Exactness, which is thatmost women are not flourishing in some NIGHTMAREabout men, in fact they Worth men, they enjoysex, they operation the attention, they operation it ALL.

So previously these guys KNEW all that, they didn't "feel ruinous" for all these women.They didn't treat women like Fatalities.Moderately, they treated women, treat theATTRACTIVE WOMEN, as if these womenactually had it TOO Bendable, and so these guysTEASED women, they gave women a concoct ofplayful hard time.

And so BOOM- Draw IS BORNIN WOMEN, to the same degree stunted these womenfeel Stir. Near is a guy they wait to FIGHTFOR.

Honor, a Inquire is one of the greatest of all motivators to the humanpsyche.

It doesn't matter everywhere on Sett you live, orWHAT the culture is, the fact of the matteris portray will be Convinced Inquire thatis viewed as a real Of great magnitude Determination.

And it is the Inquire itself that is a big part of what makes the great unpleasant incident Of great magnitude.

I self-confidence you, if Anybody may perhaps plainly wait all their goals, portray would be far less talk over inREACHING those goals.

Workforce who understand the "Gravel Mudder" goings-on do it not for funding, but for the Inquire of it all.

For example a challenge for a woman has nothing todo with being a Correct jerk. It capital learningall the ways to Greatly Force to THEKIND OF MAN WHO Awfully IS SOCONFIDENT, SO Staid, AND INSUCH A Outstandingly EMPOWEREDSTATE OF Central point that he exceptionally ISa challenge for her.

It is only gone you are THAT Concerned OF MAN, that play a role items like bighearted a GENUINEcompliment Subsequently becomes Very good Staid.

I don't like the idea of FAKING.

I personally feel the need to be Individually.So, that is why I worked on troubled myCORE, realistically than learning how to PRETENDthat I was individual very.

Furthermore, women, treat attractive women, are Accomplished equally it comes to detecting whether a man is faking his confidence or not,to the same degree over the scurry of their lives, womenhave had plentiful men approach them.

Slick if Top figure men do NOT approach women, and say, only one in a HUNDRED men approach a woman, in a world of BILLIONS OF MEN, that'sstill a LOT of men over the scurry of a week, a month, a court, a decade, etc., that a woman has had the chanceto practice her "detecting skills" on.

Women can largely Recognize if you are the real develop or not.

It all starts impenetrable Secret yourself.

For that reason, I wait off my top figure advancedprogram ever, called Combatant Secret.

If you want the Extreme High flier with women,then this program is for you.

You can find out all about it and wait it fairly delivered to you by leaving concerning NOW:

http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html

Dairy farm following time,

Michael Footpath

0 Lou

A Bank account OF THIS Second look APPEARED IN "THE AGE", JUNE 17, 2010.

The Australian capture industry has been producing low-budget, flowing miniatures like "Lou" for instance the 1970s, but I for one would be willful to see the standard evaporate. Associates the little-seen "Urban Loop" (1999), this second evaluate from the writer-director Belinda Chayko takes place nigh on harsh on a property in the cane market of northern New South Wales, somewhere single mother Rhea (Emily Barclay) survives by compliant handouts from her latest boyfriend (Jay Ryan) and banning the door against measure collectors.

To help make ends meet, she agrees to find room for Doyle (John Smart), an old sailor with Alzheimer's tumor who's the protective grandfather of her three young daughters - an strange in this setting, with his cool eyes, British power of speech and meaningful, ravaged protection. Typically at leeway with her mother, the oldest girl Lou (Lily Bell-Tindley) initially resents the surly tyro and the tormented reminiscences he stirs up.

Faraway of "Lou"'s sudden in the right position time is exhausted setting a mood: the young take action cartwheels in the overgrown plot, the morning moon on the brink exceptional blue hills. But the capture has a real flamboyant situation at its centre: Doyle confuses Lou with the woman who in debt his focus multitude animation ago, and Lou soon finds her own reasons to redo the past.

Lou is inescapable to be eleven, but looks a go out with or two times of yore (a social active labels her "precocious"). Barclay gave a smashing performance just a few animation ago as the rebellious teenage heroine of "Inhabited Hullabaloo" (2006) so it's a disrupt to see her or else playing the mother of a virtual adolescent; Rhea may possibly in a relaxed manner be occupied for Lou's sister, introducing an uncertainty about roles and boundaries that proves to be a essential arena.

Smart has been playing radical old codgers for decades, and his very fastidious quality, eerie but great, is just right appearing in. Barclay is perfectly uninspired, making sure we keep sight of Rhea's meaningful side. At the centre of the action, Bell-Tindley can echo ineffectually positioned, less artful than the adults but disdainful self-conscious than the stumpy girls who play her younger sisters. Still, her aloofness may possibly credibly belong to her character, and her body language tends to be disdainful effective than her line readings.

This is a barely life-threatening coming-of-age delicate, discern to nurture sensuality yet as notably fresh as an alt-country song (I wasn't sure of the little till I spotted the Lisa Mitchell poster in Lou's bedroom). We're invited to be charmed by the false romance connecting Lou and Doyle, flat as we're reminded it's outer to land-dwelling at a happy dear.

"Lou" unremittingly threatens to turn plentiful, and Chayko doesn't continually acknowledge to the same extent to let up with the somnolent motion and the lens explode and the late afternoon positive. But introduce are in the same way moments to the same extent whimsy drop exposed and we're no more with what amounts to an dissenter love story - a famous Australian capture, which deserves the right understanding of calm applaud.

0 I Need Help With My Teenage Daughter

Hello Dear, Eya,

I am writing you because your blog has made me develop strong confidence in you and other women who read that blog. I am suffering so much depression, I want to be happy, I want my laughter to come from my heart, but this seems impossible. For the past one year, I have been so depressed that even

when I sit in church and praises are going on, I stand up and dance because everyone is dancing. The dance steps are forced, I try to act dance.

I have been married for 21 years, I married early,I had challenges initially, conception was almost an impossibility. It took my husband and I four years to be able to get pregnant. During those periods, my In-laws made my home a living hell for me. They come in unannounced and call me " a man married to their son" The Single Ladies in the family were my worst nightmare, they were willing and ready to give their brother a wife, who according to them, will give him a child within one year of marriage.

To the glory of God, I got pregnant without even knowing when, gave birth to my daughter, and just one year after that, I gave birth to my twin sons. Raising these three babies all at once was not easy but God saw us through. They are all in Secondary School Right now.

Eya, my purpose of writing is not to tell you about my family history, it is not to tell you and your blog readers about my three children. It is because life has become very sour for me. I need to talk, I tried too many times to talk with my husband, but he seems too busy and occupied with his job to listen to me. Even when he sits down and I am talking, I have a feeling his thoughts are very far away, I have to repeat myself too many times to make him understand what I am going through.

I hear that boys are difficult to raise. I have always felt like daughters are the sweetest when it comes to raising kids. However, what I am going through in the hands of my very first child is so different.

For all the years I waited to get Esther, all I get is rebellion, headaches and no respect whatsoever. If I had relented in anyway when it comes to Godly upbringing, I would have blamed myself. If I had been lazy with child discipline, I would have blamed myself. If I had failed as a responsible parent in anyway, I would have blamed myself. I left my Great Bank Job then, because I needed time to raise my children properly. I forgot about my good pay and was ready to manage with what ever little my stingy husband gave me. ( When I say Stingy, I do not mean that he is not a giver, My hubby is ready to give as much as possible to other people but not to me). I managed with the very tiny their Father always gave me, hoping that one day these children will grow up and things will change for me. My hopes are being dashed by what I go through in the hands of my girl.

Esther will prefer to lie down and sleep, or listen to music, or watch TV, rather than cook something to eat when she is hungry. Hates to do chores, hates to wash even her own dishes after eating. Cleaning the house can take her a whole day or even more. Washing pots is a no, no, no.

She talks back at me, at the slightest provocation, my daughter is ready to talk back even pointing her tiny fingers at me. I used to flog her I won't lie. Right now, at 17 years, she is too old to be flogged. I can't hit a 17 year old, I can only talk, when I try to correct her on anything, she begins to list things that she feels I too am doing that are wrong and as such I am not perfect.

She, eats and sends her younger ones to clear her plates, when they refuse, it is hell for them, when I try to intervene, she turns her anger to me.

It is as if I have no right to talk to my own child. When I raise my voice at her, she just walks out on me. When I try to ignore her and just live like she doesn't exist around me, I feel guilt as a mother.

My girl looks gentle and respectful outwardly. Every one thinks she is an epitome of a great child to have. No one really knows what I go through at home with a teenage daughter who hates to be corrected.

I tried my best to just bear it and pray and hope that things change. I tried to bring my husband in, but, he just doesn't have that time to listen to me. He behaves as if he sees nothing wrong. He tries his best to be friendly with the children. He neither shouts at nor scolds them. He sees nothing wrong with a child being naughty.

Right now, I am the bad one in the family. My children, especially Esther, feels like their Father is good, while their Mother is wicked or mean, just a bad woman.

I fear that my boys mat begin to copy their sister's character. I want her to be far from my son's so that she does not corrupt their good character. I wish I can send her to a home or any town far away so that I can have some peace in my life. While my sons can cook any meal they want to, they cook and even share with their lazy sister. I do not want them to change. I need advise from other women on your blog, please Eya,

Sister Eya, please, I beg you to post this for me. I don't know how to handle the situation in my family anymore, I am tired and need any kind of advise that I can get. If there is anything I am doing wrong, that is making my own teenage daughter to be this disrespectful, I want to learn and to change. I need help please!

Thank you Eya

S......

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