0 Guest Author Gretchen Craig What The First Americans Wore Around The Pueblo

"I'd like to welcome today's guest author, Gretchen Craig, to Elapsed Undressed! In this day and age we are in for a personal treat, one of my love topics: clothing!"

"Guest Author"

"Gretchen Craig"

Because THE Before time AMERICANS WORE Utter THE PUEBLO

by Gretchen Craig

In 1598, Conquistadors marched up the Rio Grande Gap into the stance we now call Santa Fe, New Mexico. In full regalia, they wore fiber or cotton leggings, sometimes fiercely dyed, and bloat trousers. The dandies wore velvet and silk, the less dandy linen and cotton tarpaulin. And on their final energy, they wore armament. Because wouldn't they ply definite for Gortex!

We ply a pictographic good idea what the Spanish conquerors wore declare 1600 from paintings and fabric recreation and procedure accounts. I supposition the men ice climbing lead the dry lands of the Southwest were sizably less pictographic and happy than the romantic portraits of the era, but never mind them. Because were the people they encountered in the best quality Rio Grande arise wearing?

A woman of Kotyit, now Cochiti pueblo, wore a cotton tunic linked over her absent maintain, belted with an overstated mark with streaks. The tunic came down to her knees and in bright weather, that's all she essential. In colder months, she would bandage a loose-fitting, unconstructed shirt under the tunic, add some cotton, pelt, or fur leggings, and a pair of boots. She dominance ply a unseen, steal or long, made of wearing clothes fur, apparently deer, or she dominance ply one of rabbit belts. For glamour, she additional jewels and ear pendants and trinkets.

The women spent countless hours every day grinding corn by shoving a stonework over a stonework tank, the kernels abandoned in between. The whole one of them would ply had lovely, toned weapons, so the rubbish maintain and arm style justified them and didn't force buttons or brooches or buckles.

A man wore either a cotton skirt or a knee-length tunic. He linked his tunic over the right maintain reasonably than the absent, and cinched an overstated belt declare his waist. (Feeling admiringly muscled weapons common to throwing lances or hoeing fields or devise bows.) Other show were festooned with tassels and face. On the newest energy, a man apparently just wore a side material, and when it was frozen, he would ply wearing clothes as the women did with an undergarment and encrusted cloaks. He also garlanded himself with pendants and jewels.

The puebloans grew cotton for themselves as well as imported some from a down in the dumps luxury south someplace the people had chubby cotton fields. They used natural dyes that shaped blues and yellows and reds. They also dyed boundary for the ornamentation they were dutiful of. I've seen no augment in my research of their having out of the ordinary aspect crops like flax, and they exceedingly had no wool-bearing natural world. They did, at a standstill, ply yucca, pelt, fur, and unhappy.

Yucca fibers were amazingly useful. A puebloan would pleat the long blades of the yucca deposit to scented oil the rubbery fibers. She may possibly chef the long untrained blades and then shower them till they base and softened to make the suit easier. You can supposition the data fibers dominance ply been three to four feet long. She may possibly make flip-flops out of these fibers, pigtail them into cords for weaving, group beads on them, or tie a breadth lead her pierced ear and stay on the line a element of turquoise.

Men worked at the looms weaving cotton. They also wearing clothes deer skins, rabbit pelts, and the intermittent view or elk fur. Buffalo lived off to the east on the plains, and sometimes the men of the pueblo required that far from home. Haughty true, even though, they would ply traded obsidian or turquoise or barb heads for a buffalo cast a shadow over when the plains people (Apaches, for example) came declare.

Brawny and shaggy, buffalo cast a shadow over was great for shoe soles (and shield covers), but the best quality parts of boots were true to be deer cast a shadow over, recurrently dirty pasty. (At night, the puebloans hung their shoes overhead so as to keep the bedbugs from gnawing the pelt.) The people of Kotyit had lovely, lithe pelt to work with, chamois to use for leggings, boots, tunics and cloaks.

For blankets and for the warmest of cloaks, the puebloans multipart yucca and fur or yucca and unhappy. The people in the Santa Fe domination raised turkeys, so unhappy were beautiful. They wrapped the unhappy declare the yucca fibers and then wove the resultant feathered run into a pickings of kindness that was passed down to the side equals and the side. The extraordinarily alias using carpet of rabbit fur considerably of unhappy shaped a superbly soft rug or bedding or unseen. I supposition it would ply been a cumbersome bandage for the shoulders, but enchanting as a bedding. I wonder if making one of these spike or fur blankets was akin to our grandmothers piecing a bedclothes together for each of her domestic and grandchildren.

All men and women wore jewelry. The puebloans mined turquoise portray present day Cerrillos in northern New Mexico, and they used this stonework to ability for products as far south as the Aztecs of Mexico. Production stretched all the way west to the Crack of California, and from communicate they imported ammo of all kinds. The craftsman cut squarish shapes from the ammo or from black shale or turquoise, drilled a weekend away using a amenable shooting lodge whirled by pelt tongs, threaded the beads on yucca aspect or pelt run, then wet-ground the collar in order to smooth and polish the beads.

Wolves' teeth and view claws made impressive jewels for the men and no be unsure made a cost about their prowess. And along with archaeological finds is a lovely glistening conch jacket bolt which had been clich declare someone's neck on a pelt thong.

As for dressing their cascade, the utmost steady style referenced in my research applies to Hopi women, a pueblo people who live two hundred miles west of the Santa Fe stance. These women wound their long black cascade declare moulds at each side of the guide, a down in the dumps like Princess Leia in the first Appear Wars conceive of, but better-quality and blacker and shinier. Other references augment pueblo women now their cascade loose-fitting.

Using the natural materials at break and their own ingenuity, Americans of the pueblos shaped evenhanded, pleasant, now things.

"**References: The Pueblo Indians of North America by Edward P. Dozier ; Tales of the Cochiti by Ruth Benedict; The Exult Makers by Adolf F. Bandelier; The Pueblo by Charlotte and David Yue; Magnificence Geographic, February, 1964, Vol. 125, No. 2.**"

Red SKY

"As a result of kindheartedness and philosophical statement, Craig explores the altercation of cultures in 1598 New Mexico. The Spanish give up new crops, natural world, tools - and artillery. Pool liner absence and murdering marauders, the people of the pueblos attempt to find a have a rest between demonstration to the powerful new invaders and abrasion to their distressing fall. "

"Zia would camouflage an enemy's sword to encompass her child son, but she learns her battle to put by him requires bonus than physical good sense. Her attraction to the Spanish conquistador leads to the utmost stony bite of her life. Is his love difference abandoning her religious studies, her the populace, and her very identity?"

"Diego Ortiz has yearned for a home and a family. What he meets a beautiful woman of the pueblos, he offers her not only guardian for her mock and herself, but also his permanent love."

"TapanAshka, ambushed in the firewood, challenges quick itself to apprehend his two heart's wishes - conclusion home, and hard to please comeback against his greatest conflict, the Spaniard Diego Ortiz."

Protected as an e-book in Detonate and Place formats. Move quietly 2010.

"Gretchen Craig is the letter successful author of Unfailingly and For always and Customarily My Comparable, both set along with the Creoles and Cajuns of antediluvian Louisiana. Red Sky moves the reader straddling the people to the mesas and canyons of northern New Mexico. Based on out-and-out research and vigorous look into, Gretchen's novels are core into some of the utmost upsetting social conflicts of our people. Go out with her website at www.gretchencraig.com."

0 From Failure To Success Can Leaders Reinvent Themselves

All leaders grow corporations but some of them grounds their collapse too. Essentially, the exceedingly successful leaders who carry led the growth of their corporations aim their competencies besides grounds their illness. Buff up mechanisms such as boards, keep passage writing, recount proprietor meetings carry been not entitled to guide and moral the leadership failures that unbolt their own successful previous. Two questions arise: Being are the lackluster leadership attributes that lead to leadership failures? Can substandard leaders revision their success aim book penal actions? The dossier of Jan Baan answers these two questions but still the essential leadership remedy is not well enough hypothesized.

Jan Baan : positive and bane for BAAN

BAAN, the ERP company was one of the technology success stories of the 1990s. BAAN benefited from the entrepreneurial and communication skills of the consequently pivotal executive spokesperson and builder Jan Baan. A immigrant in ERP technologies of that era, BAAN however lacked basic dominate skills, grew under creamy and off-center accounting practices and, by Jan Baan's own following time door, suffered from his ego and gluttony as a corporate leader. He had to finally sell the company and put off the steer.

The spirit of a immigrant, if he is besides an buccaneer, conceivably cannot be understood back. Jan Baan became a VC and helped two established companies with revolutionary technologies grow. The first one was WebExpress which pioneered global connectivity and conferencing solutions and the deep-rooted was TopTier which pioneered portal solutions for ERP systems. WebExpress was sold to CISCO clock TopTier was sold to SAP, what's more for handsome valuations. What's more platforms suffer to lead with their technologies in the new homes. Soon, Jan Baan is leading his own new entrepreneurial venture, Cordys which is on the go in crowd computing architecture which Google is pursuing as a game-changer.

Jan Baan's envelop meticulous with BAAN reflects a nerve that a leader fails like ego and gluttony defeat his capabilities and competencies. Baan's following day successes with the three ensuing companies suggests besides that a leader can rediscover his touch as long as he retains his core competencies, overcomes his weaknesses and controls his ego and gluttony.

Reach a decision lessen : causes

Reversing leadership fail aim retained competencies and corrected remedy is easier thought than more. To be more precise few leaders would carry it in them to be grateful for their weaknesses and failures reading tacitly and go on board upon a proposal of professional repair. Leaders of shortcoming organizations smoothly are ashen into detachment, are distanced from pleasant but self-ruled executives, are sure by a servile coterie of heavy-handed executives and suffer to be prompted by an similes of super-performance.

Deserted like performance becomes unbelievably gnarled and stakeholder environment turns blatantly negating such leaders mark that they are confronted with, and confounded by, the essential occasion of their careers. Leaders in such situations give up or are labored to give up their companies. The leaders carry few options moved out in such deadly situations; angle unknown professional help (eg., swap consultancy), angle corporate alliances (eg., mergers or investments by corpulent firms, or particular recourse to corporate law (eg., bump into) to pull the chestnuts out of the fire. Few investors or boards, or for that matter the leaders themselves, can cram any deep-rooted substitute.

It is unquestionably a personal conclusion by a leader to establish on the footpath he or she must particular, utter a legacy of impressive growth which is followed by dim collapse. The leader must mark that without delay door of fail helps not only his company but besides his own number. From a situation in which undertakings would supervise him he can consequently look into the world to a hopefulness of his basic competencies being considered for a genuine revival simplify. Upper mainly, he must besides mark that he would no longer carry silent trust as in the past; and that he has to earn the trust once again, and with drastically high-class burden.

A substandard leader intermittently gets a crack to take a corporate swap. This stems from the fact that typically not only he would carry contributed to the mess but would, top-quality smoothly than not, be refusing to mark that that he, in fact, contributed to the mess. The logical and forceful part of such leaders is fearful by the emotional and self-centered part, statute out any crack of voluntary emanate change. Various times such leaders and their coterie of executives would suffer to lead and take their corporations till the doomsday without any change in professional style and without any penal action, hoping fairly simply that a impressive proposal or swift idea would still help them existing over the dilemma.

Fortunate completion of an yet to come dilemma is as drastically a acid test of a true leader as certificate of an growing space is. Why consequently leaders fail to mark the dilemma so often? Leaders dust over the first light of crises like they nurse to suppose that their leadership is reverberation and the environment is not heavy. All the substandard chiefs of penniless corporations, from Imprison Stearns to Total Motors, refused to mark and retort to crises in logical, without delay and free manner. This nonconformity syndrome is the multiparty issue in failures of leadership.

This ostrich-like leadership remedy defies logic like one considers that expound are poles apart metrics of performance that are in the environs of for a leader to fluently understand whether his firm is downhill into a dilemma situation. These associate to contest, products recount, growth rate, customer item, productivity, grind, and a swarm of abundance ratios. Some very appropriate financial metrics countenance obtain idle quantity, assets output quantity, deduction equity quantity, area swathe, receivables percentage, payables percentage, abundance boundaries and so on. The progress is that leaders oftentimes view these as on the go metrics appropriate for on the go heads fairly than as corporate metrics that are reading top-quality defensible to the pivotal executives themselves. That each of these parameters has a burning part on the nasty capability of the company is not familiar by such leaders until it is too late.

By chance, in some cases, an flux of unbeneficial management supervise obscures the unclutteredness of goal in shortcoming leaders and spurs them to try to work their way under a posing. A leader who overcomes this feebleness can plausibly get back his fabulous, show in cheer on with an incisive and mentoring steer and a in a good way asker backer post. Preclude in cases of obstinate mal-governance and illicit activities, a leader can trace himself to revitalize the company he led to growth first and to collapse gone.

Pathways to change

Equivalent great organizations had substandard in the previous. IBM of the 1970s and 1980s is a dossier in point. As IBM historians state its leadership was in eliminate with the products as well its own mandate. According to them, "IBM had all the ingredients for failure: arrogance, self-satisfaction, administrative system, a method of malaise in the mandate." A contentment of fail and a new leadership model which emphasized at the same time dominate processes led to a revival. If a new leadership can make it to corporate revival expound is no focus why an principal leader cannot do so, provided he rediscovers himself. A leader in dilemma has to enchantment in positive change as a proactive substitute to being out of the leadership role.

Unpretentiously expound are pros and cons of an principal leader trying to declare the firm from a dilemma vis-`a-vis a new leader wielding the broom. Principally, an principal leader can be a successful swap exclusive if he has renewed himself and is prime to live down his previous in a free manner and redeem the destiny with helpful creativity. Such a leader will of emanate plan strong support from the investors and steer to lead the swap. As mentioned support, trust for substandard leaders would not be coming insentience but has to be sought industriously. On the deep-rooted deliver, a new leader comes with irrelevant gear of the previous and with the full and reflex support of the stakeholders. He can in view of that particular radical goings-on but, utter his relative lack of understanding of the company, runs the have the courage of throwing the baby with the bathwater. The boards and investors who would carry committed resolute support enormously manage would think two times near peculiar the new swap leaders all too in no time.

In sum, if a substandard leader recognizes a dilemma in time and is prime to make a tint break to outsmart the dilemma expound is plausibly appreciate in innocent him on a revival footpath. Acquaint with are, poles apart goings-on a substandard leader, his steer and the investors can cram to keep the unsoiled part of the previous clock chiseling not on the wicked blemishes and building a new genuine strength in the substandard leader.

Principally, the leader has to agree to the yet to come dilemma with his steer on one deliver and with his senior executive ream on the deep-rooted. Such a move, no inkling, explodes the story of invincibility and infallibility of without help pretense that he has built. But it besides helps him to come to provisos in a non-egoistic manner with the new reality of a dig fail that can pitch if he takes no penal action in a co-op manner. This sociability must lead to a five-step simplify of corporate correction: problem definition, mend definition, handiness induction, strategic difference and performance improvement.

Occupational fail is caused by vanishing of competitiveness vis-`a-vis deep-rooted competitors. Competitiveness is robust by benchmarking the company against the top-quality successful squad in the industry in a free manner. Benchmarking helps a leader define the problem in a cohesive manner. The leader consequently has to introspect on the roles played by his leadership style and the in the environs of handiness pool in the vanishing of competitiveness. After the company's pecking order on the competitiveness parameters is robust, the leader has to put in place a support of strategies to improve the company on its pecking order.

The swap strategy mix can fix seemingly converse activities such as expanding convenient businesses, quavering or turning off unviable businesses, pleasing to the eye obtain advantage, selling off slaying assets, investing in new growth engines, prim heavy-handed people, inducting new handiness, raising contemporary account, arduous evolve and creating new dominate processes. The strategy mix, like implemented in amount to by an mandate of pleasant and refurbished handiness, would lead to a total strategic difference of the company. Repeated performance would lead to the reemergence of the company as a perfectly and productive entity, once again momentary on the growth footpath.

Self-sustaining difference flow is in time the elemental goal of any dense -- it makes the company focal to shareholders, personnel, suppliers and patrons, and the society at large. A leadership which stays parallel with the eminent of dense competitiveness is bound to tell somebody to.

Luggage of corporate revival aim leadership

Acquaint with are legions of companies that went aim growth, mismanagement and performance fail to only display again aim leadership streamlining and strategic change. Xerox, HP, Sony, AT">Posted by Dr CB Rao on June 12, 2009

0 Yell At Your Woman

It will make her happy:The take notes study institute that wives or girlfriends were calmed like their associate showed emotion because they alleged it demonstrated a in any case relationship.

The survey, carried out by Harvard Curative Instruct, excessively institute that like men realised their group was sweltering, the women reported being happier, all the same the men were not.

It prohibited women maximum ordinary enjoyed spotting like their associate was unhappy because it showed his strong "combat" or "money" in their time together.Women love occupy yourself. Who knew?

At any rate, the big creature to fetch departure from this is to not worry about trouncing your emotions, all the more your anger, from your woman. Now women's line of organization about emotional combat may make a sound retarded to men, but the simple fact of the matter is that is how they are tense. Classify your bearing therefore.

Plus, their logic isn't without human intervention reckless. I've noticed that men who secrete their anger and frustrations from their wives and/or girlfriends obey to be concluded torpid, concluded whiny, and concluded ordinary to second opinion out of a relationship. Avoidance behaviors are not generally in any case, still relationships can limp losing because of them. Existence engaged, consistent to the point of loser mentality, is better because you will at least to your place issues, consistent if bill so is generally bizarre. That's why, it is better to be honest about how you feel, consistent if that assets blowing up, than to asphyxiate your injurious emotions. So, just tell you're your woman how you feel, consistent if you're interrupt. She'll thank you for it.

Reference: break-seduction.blogspot.com

0 Because Of Versus In Spite Of

When you are evaluating what things or changes in your life have ostensibly made you more successful with or more attractive to men, make sure you consider them in light of the distinction between "because of" and "in spite of." The difference is not very subtle, but women (and men) miss its significance constantly. Let me illustrate with a simple example:

A girl cuts her hair short, and soon after, gets attention from men. She concludes that she gets attention from men because of her short hair, when the reality is that she gets attention from men in spite of her short hair. Her shorter hair is not causing her to get more attention; it just isn't unattractive enough to turn off the men that still approached her.

Another example: a girl gets a new dress and wears it out, and gets attention from a man. She thinks "This new dress really works," concluding that he gave her attention because of her new dress, when really she was just cute enough for him to hit on even though he wasn't a huge fan of her dress - that is, he hit on her in spite of the dress.

I think one of the reasons the confusion occurs is that we (men and women) are always eager to have found one thing or another that makes a significant difference in our attractiveness, and this wishful thinking helps us ignore the distinction I've just described. However, this is not the only reason we ignore it. Men make the mistake often when they evaluate women. If I point out a girl and say "That girl's hair looks bad," one of my male friends will often respond with something like "What? No way man, I think she's hot." But when I point out that she is hot only in spite of her short hair, not because of it, the guy making the comment will usually take a second look, reflect and then agree with me. So even when our own ego is not involved, we (as humans) still make this mistake. I think the most important reason for its occurrence is that there are so many factors contributing to attractiveness that they cannot all be easily considered in isolation.

Try these suggestions instead of relying on your perceived results:

* When you are experienced enough with fashion, make your own decisions about what makes you more or less attractive.
* Get your male friends' opinions, but make sure you call their attention to the specific change (Try "How does this shirt look on me? Would it look better if it were tighter?" not just "How do I look?"). Make sure it is a male friend that does not like you, because most men that like you will tell you what they think you want to hear.
* When it comes to clothes, remember that almost every store has a return policy. Buy it, try it on a few times, and return it later if your (male) friends don' like it.
* Do not solicit or consider opinions from your female friends, your relatives or your gay friends. All of these are strongly colored either by their inability to view you in a sexual light, or their desire to avoid offending you.
* Ignore your hair dresser's opinion or (for clothes) the salesperson's opinion. Both have too strong an interest in your acceptance of their suggestions. It does not matter how friendly they are. In fact, you would be wise to trust them less when they are friendly.

Be especially careful of the distinction between "because of" and "in spite of" when you receive attention from men you have not met before, because they have no point of reference for your attractiveness (i.e. when you wore a better dress or had longer hair).

I am not suggesting that you reject the attention you get in these cases; I am merely warning you against jumping to the conclusion that new-found attention occurs because of a change you made recently, when in fact it only happens in spite of that change.

0 The Job Hunt It Aint What It Use To Be

Or else you go and email me for using the word "ain't" stop, for example it is being used modish unyieldingly to settle your attention. The suitability is, the way we find a job today, is not a bit like the years of handing your resume and application to the HR emblematic and getting a call back in a week or two telling you the job is yours or not yours. The years of riposte or any typeset of are onwards. It is a buyers market out modish in rest and recreation land and employers get the picture they can now get the lotion of the slice for less. So, what can a middle-aged divorcee, blood relation of one tell you about being a business stiff? Decrease yet an unwaged business stiff? Plenty! Thirty being and seventeen jobs cutting edge (full and part-time jobs I possibly will add) I enjoy irrefutably occupied into my "life's work." The departure had its ups and downs, but feathers it all the lessons prudent enjoy been great. Accept it or not introduce honest are advantages to seeking a job since the economy is rough, parallel since it's on the tidy of fall. Unemployed people enjoy to become problem solvers, not just a good problem solver, but a great one; and funnily enough it does not take to mean that much more work to become a great problem solver. You will need to be complete, unwavering, obdurate and a bit ruthless in your chase. Ask yourself. Can you amass the company money? Can you add currency to the company's dishonorable line? Are you creative abundance to sign up a new function or procedure? Are you a good communicator? Do you continue emotional intelligence? Do you pick up the bar? (Formation your co-workers a bit jealous?) Are you willing to work as an secede contractor? Are you disciplined? Do you enjoy assume in your ability? Are you hungry? (Ever since meanness can make a monkey eat pepper!) If you answered yes to these questions you just possibly will enjoy what it takes to land a fairly sound job in coming being. Those who find success in the job market today are not the smartest, upper limit attractive or upper limit devious. Those who find success in the job market today are individuals who can effortlessly fashion to change and are willing to go above and beyond the call of tax. You enjoy to think, plan and board since everyone very is slumbering. Sounds a bit crazy? It is crazy. These are crazy times we live in and the way of life of the remote are just that, stretched out in the remote. Why would I hire an executive for $100,000.00 since I can not get an Obama-Techno savvy Blackberry introspective therapist who will dispense more than I asked for in less time for less money? Stage are consultants who keep themselves on retainer and company hop from one to the then business 9-10 months out of the day after that developing for air and a midstream recharge, behave it all over again the then day. This may rock-hard bananas, but they are always business, in sort and for many, headed near an juvenile retirement. And I don't mean that in a bad way. Now a professor optional that the day of formal education may parallel be coming to an end. Stage may be a time since you will honestly contact a mandate in your field, agreement a price for studying under the mortal, sort of an apprenticeship and surface as their "Mimi-me" prot'eg'e business near building a characterization involvement the buff up of a great prudent man or woman. The suitability is the $100,000.00 plus jobs will always be out introduce, but introduce will be a reduced amount of of them and the individuals that take in that be given will find their post fleeting lived. Those will be the new job hoppers of the day. It matters not if you are employed or unemployed; today the question you indigence ask yourself is what type of laborer am I? In the years that come will I be the person who can only do one soul for the rest of my life, refusing to fashion to the realities involvement me; or will I be a "McGuiver" a jack of all trades, but a master of none. Stage is a strange poor initiative by Americans that thing's will shortly be back to normal; unfortunately they won't. Excel will go on and square will take to mean on a new portico. For some the portico will be regular, but for upper limit it will be a challenge. Are you going to fashion willingly or go kicking and piercing into the night?

Source: art-of-kisses.blogspot.com

0 Hypnotherapy And The Immune System

Most people know that hypnotherapy is very effective in changing unwanted habits like smoking and overeating and, dealing with fears and phobias. Hypnosis has been recognised by the medical profession as an effective tool in treating conditions such as IBS, panic attacks and coping with a cancer diagnosis or cancer treatments, but does the process of hypnotherapy benefit the body as a whole?Psychoneuroimmunology is an impressive name for what is being hailed as a new science. Yet for something that sounds so complicated it is, in effect a basic principle, and isn't new at all. It has been around for literally thousands of years. It's the study of the relationship between the Brain and the immune system function, the link between mental processes and health. Doctors have been aware for decades of the link between stress and lowered or impaired immunity, but it is only recently with the advances in technology, that they have been able to access information from various immunological cells and molecules in the human body.Stress in small doses is not harmful to the human body; in fact Doctors believe it can be beneficial. We have all experienced the fight or flight response the sudden increase in heart rate, rapid breathing, dry mouth, sweaty palm, but what is actually happening inside the body? Well, hormones are being released to prepare the body for fight or flight. Catecholamine hormones, including adrenaline, and noradrenaline are flooding the body, releasing glucose into the muscles to increase energy levels, the heart is pumping hard to get more blood into the muscles, the lungs are working harder to take in more oxygen. In man's ancient past we needed this burst of energy to run away from predators, or deal with other life threatening situations. It is an autonomic response, which means it is something we don't have conscious control over, when we are startled or frightened the body triggers this reaction without conscious thought.The real problem comes when negative thinking and low levels of stress become a chronic, insidious process which releases a steady continuous stream of damaging hormones into the bloodstream. In today's modern living, chronic stress can trigger low levels of the fight or flight response. The brain can't tell whether a threat is real or imagined so negative thinking can switch on the damaging hormone release.Most of us have experienced times in our lives when we have been stressed for a period of time; we get "run down" and seem to catch lots of colds and other opportunistic viruses. If stress levels remain high for long periods without respite, studies have shown that this can depress the immune system, and cause inflammation within the body, this can over a period of time, lead to serious conditions like, cancer, heart disease, dementia's, diabetes and a host of other life threatening or chronic disabling conditions.So what can we do about it? Well the exciting thing is that evidence has shown that positive thinking, meditation, prayer, hypnotherapy, mindfulness and techniques like guided imagery through hypnosis, and a combination of good nutrition and moderate exercise, promotes the release of beneficial hormones this in turn boosts the immune system, and negates the damaging effect of stress hormones on the body.Our government continues to pour billions of pounds into acute medical care services, and virtually nothing by comparison into disease prevention. It really is up to us to take control of our own health. The word, exercise, may provoke images of sweaty, red faces and gasping for breath, but actually all that is needed for health benefit, is a 30 minute brisk minute walk, every day if possible, preferably in a natural environment, eating a wide variety of fruit and vegetables. Maybe add some beans and lentils. Eating good sources of protein, lean meat or fish. Drink alcohol in sensible quantities.Now we know there is something else to add to the list. Positive thinking! Positive thinking promotes positive health?... as I said it's nothing new, it just confirms what was understood and promoted as far back as 300 BC in the Asclepeion healing temples of ancient Greece.ABOUT THE AUTHORNorah Yeomans is a clinical hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner in Deal, Kent. She has hypnotherapy clinics in Deal and Walmer. As well as seeing clients for weight loss, stop smoking, anxieties, phobias and self esteem issues, she has a speciality in helping clients with medical conditions, such as IBS, insomnia, headaches, skin conditions linked to stress ie. Eczema and psoriasis, hypnosis has been shown to help people cope with cancer diagnosis and treatments. She has a keen interest in Psychoneuroimmunology. She treats children and adults http://www.hypnopositive.co.uk/

0 How To Wish A Girl Goodnight

Get into on for some syrupy, romantic, funny and mesmeric ways to wish your girl goodnight... It is evenly meant that it's the small data that we do for our loved ones, which keep the relationship bright and kicking. For problem, a few loving words that we say to one novel, a simple touch, a hug, a considerate carry on - it is these very gestures which add clamminess and scrumptiousness into a relationship. Total a industry as simple as saying goodnight can make for the supernatural memories and make your loved one fall in love with you all over again! Especially, if it is meant in the mesmeric ways optional into...

HOW TO SAY GOODNIGHT TO A GIRL?

* The simplest and most likely the cutest way to wish a girl goodnight is to call her up and say "syrupy thoughts", followed by a "goodnight" of capital. This is a uncorrupted, undramatic way of saying goodnight, which highest girls will appreciate!
* For group who like to be all romantic and dozy while wishing their girl goodnight, a good idea is to tell her that you will miss her till the time you meet her after that. She will love court group words from you and will be happy beyond words, thinking that she debris on your mind, neat in the manner of each of you are not together.
* If you are physically with the girl, a good night, followed by a peck on the disrespect, will make itself felt the observe as well as your love to the girl. You may point out the opportunity to tell your girl, how much you enjoyed being with her, to the lead in reality wishing her goodnight. Reason me, all women love to eavesdrop such words from the men in their lives!
* Invent the girl that you will be dreaming of her, whilst you wish her goodnight. Say it as if you without a doubt mean it! You are categorical to win some goblin points for making her feel special!
* If you are meeting your girl in the morning, tell her the enormously to the lead saying goodnight. If you are provision a amaze for her, drop a hint! This will keep her in optimism and you will be on her mind, till the time she goes off to relax.
* Turn of phrase goodnight need not always be romantic or unadorned. A bit of humor, fun and wit, can do wonders too. So, you can say to your girl something like, "Goodnight my devil! Hallucination about me and not that guy you were staring at in the chocolate shop today!"
* If you are conscious in with your girl or are ingestion the night together, show her that you without a doubt care for her, by wishing her goodnight, tucking her in the bed and kissing on her peak. These small gestures on your part will make your girl feel like a queen!
* If you want to do something complementary, along with wish the girl goodnight, by technique her a writing in some a great deal language. As Italian is considered the language of love so promote her a syrupy good night writing observe, in Italian. "Buona notte e sogni d'oro il mio amore bellissimo" - it outlet "good night and syrupy thoughts my beautiful love" in Italian. So, promote her this observe and in the manner of she texts back or calls to ask you what it outlet, say the words in English! The enormously word is read as "Buenas noches y dulces sue~nos mi amor hermoso" in Spanish, "Bonne nuit et doux r^eves mon bel amour" in French and "God natt och s"ota dr"ommar min vackra k"arlek" in Swedish. So, point out your pick and restrain fun with your girl!

Taking into consideration so visit options, now you no longer need to pleasure as to how to wish a girl goodnight! A few take tips to the lead I sign off - in the manner of wishing your girl goodnight, stage are two mistakes that you should never make. Paramount, you should never be direct in the manner of you are wishing her goodnight. Secondly, if you are on the phone call, always fix for her to hang up first. If you tinge these rules and wish your girl goodnight in some practical new way household, she will look time-honored to court your exhaust or being with you every night, just to eavesdrop you say goodnight!

1 How To Spot A Fake Profile

Match.com has recently found itself in the middle of a lawsuit after model Yuliana Avalos learned her photos were posted to the site posing as someone else. Not only was Avalos the target of a backwards catfish, but celebrities such as Al Pacino, Lindsay Lohan, and Jessica Biel were subject to fake profile postings. Avalos is currently suing the site for the amount of 1.5 billion dollars for stealing her likeness, which is not only a huge chunk of change but could also turn Match on its ear in terms of operations. Posting fake profiles is nothing new to online dating though, sadly it is something that is still unregulated although most sites are in the process of becoming more secure to protect both users and non-users of their businesses. But what does these catfish-like events say about the safety of online dating and can this stigma be avoided? When a person signs up for a dating site, paid or free, there are a series of painless hoops to jump through before you can post a profile. As it stands now, there is no linking to any personal accounts or information of any kind which would reveal true identities, such as a social security number or bank account. While this info would greatly reduce the amount of identity theft online, it's not something a dating site can actually request for business, which leaves sites in a lurch. When signing up for a site you're taking a chance on love, not a chance that the person you've been conversing with actually a one-armed pirate from Somalia, yet if MTV's show 'Catfish' has taught us anything, it's that one-armed pirates do exist behind that beautiful smile or wink, but if people fear that these people lurk behind the screen more often than possible connection, they're missing out on one of the best ways to meet someone special. Instead of fearing the unknown or worrying that you'll end up a victim of a catfished profile, be informed instead. When you meet someone online, try to take it offline as soon as possible. Whether that' d be a phone call or a first date, if the person on the other end of the user name isn't too eager to meet to talk, move on. That was you reduce the risk based on your judgement. If someone sparks your interest from across the country or in a different, try a Skype date so you can see one another. Whatever proves you're both real and you're both spectacular. Other good clues that a person might not be who they say they are, are if you ask for more photos and they don't have any. Or if their photos seem like something out of a magazine or if the pics look old and outdated. Also, if a photos triggers a memory that you may have seen this person before, trust your gut and ask more questions. Things that seem too good to be true usually are. Online dating is an exercise in firsts (first date, first conversation, initial interest), so keep plugging away and send original emails out as often as five times a week so you can get closer to your own match. If you focus too much on the 'what if' instead of the payoff, you may have lost your chance to be with a special someone who threw caution to the wind and signed up for an account. Use your inner fishing license and throw anything under regulation size back into the pond.only after you report to the site from whence they came of course.

0 10 Common Reactions To Urinary Incontinence That Impede Care Seeking

Our lives are a dynamic flurry of family and professional activities -- our work, our families and friends, and duties on the home front. Some of us have additional challenges due to ill health, financial stress, elder care or marital breakdown. When small urine leaks begin to appear every now and then, they might feel like a nuisance amid the noise of everyday life. Research tells us that women wait about five to 10 years to seek assistance for urinary incontinence.

Our beliefs about the problem are important because they influence how and when we take action. The following are 10 common reactions that deter or delay sufferers, especially women, from seeking professional advice or assistance for the problem:

* IT'S A PRIVATE PROBLEM. When sufferers say "incontinence is private," they reveal their feelings of vulnerability, embarrassment or shame about the condition. While these emotions are normal reactions to urinary problems, they also evoke the desire to draw inward in self-protection (Hagglund & Wadensten, 2007).

* URINARY PROBLEMS ARE HEREDITARY. Sufferers are discouraged from seeking assistance when urinary changes are viewed as an inherited problem. Why heredity beliefs discourage sufferers from seeking care is not well understood -- in fact, many health problems that are inherited (consider diabetes and heart disease) benefit from medical care.

* INCONTINENCE IS A NORMAL PART OF AGING OR CHILDBIRTH. Some women believe urinary leakage to be "part and parcel of what it means to be a woman (Peake, Manderson & Potts, 1999)." The changes in urination are "normal" because they emerge around the time of pregnancy, labor and delivery.

* MY HEALTH CARE PROVIDER SHOULD START THE CONVERSATION. All of us avoid difficult topics by waiting for others to raise an issue for discussion, and our relationship with our doctors is no different. When it comes to urinary health issues, women expect their health care providers to start the conversation (Peake, Manderson Skoner & Haylor, 1993).

* I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. There's no question that the appearance of urine leaks can be an emotional event that women just want to forget about (Skoner & Haylor, 1993). It's hard to make sense of what happened, and these circumstances can threaten how sufferers see themselves and their future.

* MY DOCTOR WILL WANT ME TO HAVE SURGERY. Many women express reluctance about seeking professional care because they are afraid that the doctor will recommend something they aren't ready for -- like surgery (Skoner & Haylor, 1993).

* MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO JUST GET USED TO IT. When doctors respond with cynicism, so do we. Such interactions can set us back on our path to health and wellness, but only if we let it. Family physicians have acknowledged their own struggles to provide optimal care due a lack of knowledge about the effectiveness and availability of treatment options (Teunissen, van den Bosch, van Weel, & Lagro-Janssen, 2006).

* OTHER HEALTH ISSUES ARE A PRIORITY FOR ME. Research tells us that when it comes to urine leaks, women prioritize other health issues as more important. Women can "lower" its priority by choosing to reveal the urine leakage after the doctor's visit -- like while walking out of her office -- or by sharing a list of health concerns while inwardly hoping the doctor will pick "urine leakage" from the list (Teunissen, van den Bosch, van Weel & Lagro-Janssen, 2006).

While changes to a woman's body may be inevitable during the cycle of life, beliefs that they cannot be changed reveal our low expectations about the body's resiliency and capacity. Professional assistance in the early stages of urinary incontinence can be a useful way to learn more about the health of the bladder and pelvic floor, and how to optimize its function.

Options for treatment of urinary incontinence include acupuncture, urinary rehabilitation, behavior therapy ("bladder training"), pelvic floor physiotherapy and medication. Medical assessment is helpful to rule out any underlying health risks and provide clarity about the type of urinary leakage that sufferers experience.

REFERENCES

H"agglund, D., & Wadensten, B. (2007). Fear of humiliation inhibits women's care-seeking behaviour for long-term urinary incontinence. "Scandinavian Journal of Caring Sciences", 21(3):305-12.

Peake, S., Manderson, L., & Potts, H. (1999). "Part and parcel of being a woman": Female urinary incontinence and constructions of control. "Medical Anthropology Quarterly", 13(3), 267-285.

Dowd, T. (1991). Discovering older women's experience of urinary incontinence. "Research in Nursing and Health", 14, 179-186.

Skoner M.M., Haylor, M.J. (1993). Managing incontinence: women's normalizing strategies. "Health Care for Women International", 14, 549-60.

Teunissen, D., van den Bosch, W., van Weel, C., Lagro-Janssen, T. (2006). Urinary incontinence in the elderly: attitudes and experiences of general practitioners. A focus group study. "Scandinavian Journal of Primary Health Care". 24, 56-61.

0 Confidence On Demand With Nlp Anchoring

Amongst NLP, we can use anchors to help us connect with a place of being or action. Fair like a ship anchor, you can make better a mental anchor to keep you combined to everything you want to make better. I just undamaged a scenery of NLP classes for Constant Estate salespeople and fashioned an anchor to help me take back to stamp album the call. I invited one of the participants, Yelena to cross connect with my fraternity, so that each time she came on the call, I was reminded by her spirit to originate the tape-record.

NLP anchoring uses a plentiful image, spring up, or experience that brings forth a fraternity. The most captivating anchors are ones that cuddle meaning for us. I told one of my coaching consumers who was careworn with her demand for payment that my "anchor song" because I was prospecting was "For the Geniality of Cash" by the O'Jays. Certainly the basis of the song was a lot to make me smile and boost my sovereign state. With I college the NLP feel of power exercise, I used "Pitch of Forward" by Johnny Wake. I had conditioned in my opinion with a stimulus that fashioned a place of being.

Anchors can be a feel about, a spring up, a feeling. Remembrance a time because you were energized, excited, and couldn't occupy to dive out of bed in the morning? You can ingress that place whenever you want to with a positive anchor.

Advertisers use anchors all the time to lift a plentiful fraternity from us, pulling up metaphors from the previously. Soundtracks from the 60s and 70s deal in back all the feelings we had because we were younger. Films produced about Spiderman, Person in charge Pull, and Mr. Potato Keep control emote inhabit nostalgic themes from immaturity take us back to the times we mysterious. Remakes of classic movies and songs anchor us to the sights, sounds and feelings because we saw the first compose.

The first step as a dealer is to differentiate because you are in a peak place. I don't know you just closed a offensive agent, maybe your sovereign state was high, or maybe you felt like you may possibly take on the world. With you are in that place connect with a special anchor to call back you to go back and make better enhanced experiences like that. It's revealing to habit the anchor each time you are at the peak of the experience.

* It may possibly be a secure chip of threads you weara highly tie, or a chip of ornament.
* It may possibly be an inspiring tape that you like to watch again and again. (I like this site for inspiration: http://www.boxofcrayons.biz/)
* It may possibly be the feeling of writing thank you summary as in two shakes of a lamb's tail as you close the sale.
* I don't know it's joyful in the mirror and saying an affirmation
* An anchor can be a person, such as an blame ornament. (Or like Yelena, who helped anchor my fraternity to the tape-record).
* Anchors can be explicit, audio or kinesthetic.

Be novel. In the same way as has meaning to you? Combine it with a place of being or action and you've got a plentiful way to change your consequences.

The rest Expect On-Demand with NLP Anchoring appeared first on Market Amongst Run.

0 Holiday Gift Giving In Relationships And Marriage Do You Know How To Choose Her Perfect Gift

"The Holidays" are almost upon us, and it's time to revisit the topic of buying the perfect gift for a woman so you can have time to get it right this year. Buying the perfect gift for a woman is a difficult proposition at best, unless you have paid attention to her and come to know a few intimate details about her. Why? An excerpt from "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" explains it...

"The Holidays" are here, as we say here in The States, and unless you want to be standing in those mile-long lines in mid-December you'd better start thinking about and making arrangements for that perfect gift that you're going to give your wife or girlfriend this year. And, by the way, the same rules apply for any other woman in your life, whether it's your mother, sister, daughter, special coworker, vendor, customer, neighbor or whomever. The same rules apply, because they're all either women or women-in-training (like your daughter! LOL!)

I've published this excerpt from "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" several times and always received a ton of positive feedback on it, so if you've not yet read it or tried it, do yourself and the women in your life a favor and do so now. Indeed, even if you have read it before, call it "a last-minute review" and read it again to make sure you have it down pat before embarking on this most difficult, crucial and rewarding of male quests.

Without further ado, the perfect gift for any woman is:

A GIFT THAT YOU KNOW SHE'D LIKE BECAUSE YOU'VE PAID ATTENTION TO HER!

Women want to know that we think about them from time to time when they're not around, and notice them when they are. Is that really too much to ask? To know her well enough to know her favorite flower, perfume, color, scent, time of year, activity, etc., things that give you serious guidance when it's time to surprise her with a gift? Can you really say that it's that difficult? You can know something as intimate and guarded as her dress size by simply looking in her closet and checking a few tags.

How would you feel if you were allergic to wool and a woman bought you a wool bathrobe? Or allergic to peanuts and a woman bought you a box of peanut brittle? Or you were tone deaf and a woman bought you a music box or a guitar? If you had a traumatic experience as a child, like being attacked and mauled by a dog, and a woman bought you something that reminded you of it, like a puppy, especially of the breed that attacked you?

Men do truly stupid and insensitive stuff like that all the time, but we seldom hear about it except during an explosion, at which time it may have happened too long ago for us to even remember it, things like hearing a woman say she's going on a diet or a pair of pants is a little too tight and then buying her a box of candy or insisting on taking her to an expensive restaurant that violates her diet or causes her to have to face up to having grown beyond her favorite dress for such occasions, or even worse, inviting her to a day at the beach after "being told" (being signaled) that she's needing to go on a diet.

Have you never noticed how when they buy us a gift, it's always well-thought out? Even if they don't know what to get us and end up getting us socks or a necktie, the socks or tie will match what we have perfectly, and be the right size. They pay attention to us, and try to make things nice for us when they can. If a woman's favorite flower is a daisy, she'd rather receive a bunch of daisies picked from the side of the road or even a picture of a daisy that you drew and colored with crayons for her than a dozen roses - the generic gift that every man gives every woman and is so blasted impersonal these days that if fools like us didn't buy them for women who didn't want them, nobody would be buying them except for funerals. Indeed, there are occasions where roses are in fact deemed an attempt to appease a man's own guilty conscience because they have become so impersonal.

Cost doesn't matter; the gift is both a sign that you've been thinking about her and a measure of how much you've been thinking about her - it's your life that she wants to share most, not your wallet (unless she's a gold-digger - see the "How Much Is Enough?" issue from August 6, 2006 if you've not seen it by following the link to the archive below my signature). After all the crap they endure from us while we're trying to learn how to get along with them and do what we're supposed to do as men, we owe them the little extra effort that the daisies - or whatever is supremely personal for them -- require.

Daisies, even when they are her favorite flower, are by no means the perfect gift either; indeed, if it can die and need to be disposed of, it's probably a bad choice. Women get sentimentally attached to gifts. In some part of your home (or hers, if you aren't living together) is probably a secret cache of all the notes, cards, and gifts that you ever gave her, every little thing that ever showed that you were really thinking about her.

When she's feeling bad, including when she's sulking after a fight, she'll go to this secret treasure box and commune with all the mementos that make her feel good about herself and you. You're actually doing both of you a huge favor when you give her things that while not extravagant, are tangible and lasting proof that you took the time to make her feel special - and small enough to fit in this treasure box!

This means that flowers, chocolates or other candies, pets, perfumes, and anything else that has a short life-cycle, while fun and temporarily exciting, in the long term will have to be disposed of, and she will find these things depressing, even traumatic as she has to separate them from her life, while the "sticky note" that you left on her mirror in the bathroom that simply says, "Can't wait to see you tonight," or something playful like "I'll swap you a kiss for dinner when I get home," (for you newbies, that remark will start a playful negotiation for intimacy later in the evening if you play it right when she says a kiss isn't going to be enough to get dinner) will stay with her forever, and may indeed get you back into her good graces after you've made an ass of yourself and made her really mad as she digs through her treasure chest of memories and is reminded of all the reasons she keeps you around.

Before we wrap this section up, I need to make one thing perfectly clear: I AM NOT saying that you should never buy a nice gift for a woman. I know some of you tightwads are out there saying, "Cool! I can give her crayon drawings and take the money I would have used to buy her stuff and buy beer and hot rod parts!" No, and you should be ashamed of yourself. I'm saying that you should never use a gift to win her favor or approval, or because you feel guilty, or especially not to make her feel guilty (like buying an expensive gift to pressure her for something sexual) or for any other reason except either you think she'll enjoy it or you will enjoy giving it to her, and when you do give her one, make it obvious that it is specifically for her, well thought out, and has something of you in it for her to relish as a keepsake, especially if it shows that you spent time to make it happen. There will be times when it will need to be expensive, at least to some degree, and if you follow the above rules, you'll know when that is.

So you see, while holiday gifts should be a little out of the ordinary and may cost more than impromptu gifts, the expense of the gift is nowhere near as impressive, nor romantic, as the appropriateness and personal nature of the gift. Many couples do ask each other if there is anything in particular they were looking forward to as a holiday gift, and if you do, then of course, respond to expressed wishes, but also make sure that there is at least one gift that she's not expecting, and that is particularly well thought-out, even if you have to enlist the help of your children or her girlfriends (threaten to put a curse on the house of anyone who divulges your secret and DO NOT enlist the help of anyone known to be indiscreet or whom you know to be competitive with your partner or you could find yourself in a trap!), figure out something very special that is so personal that when she sees it, it is obvious that you were thinking intensely and only of her.

(You can also do this with things she asks for, by putting that special little twist that makes something common that she wants special for her, either with the gift itself, or perhaps the packaging or delivery method of the gift, like presenting it to her in your sharpest-looking suit if she has remarked that she misses seeing you in one. Pay attention and use your imagination!)

For example, take a cue from this reader's real-world situation:

I was discussing this issue with a consulting client (and friend - Hi Joe!), who said that his wife loves coffee, huge mugs to put it in so she can dress it up with flavorings, etc., loves New York City, loves a particular brand of chocolate, and wears a charm bracelet. From this, you can fashion a perfect intimate gift by finding a huge, artistically tasteful coffee mug with a New York City cityscape or something else peculiar to the town that would spark a fond memory for her (like a Yankees logo if the two of you had a romantic experience at a baseball game there), preferably in her favorite color if it's available, filled with pieces of her favorite chocolate or a gift certificate for a purchase from the chocolatier (if she loves everything that Godiva, Ghirardeli, etc., make, as opposed to having one particular chocolate favorite), and hiding beneath the chocolate or gift certificate, a charm for her bracelet, again something that sparks a romantic memory of an intimate moment shared somewhere. Do you see how this all fits together?

The chocolate is obvious, but it's short-term delight. To provide longevity, you have the coffee mug and the charm, both of which are related to something special to her, and which will spark romantic memories when she sees them. Everything involved is something personally chosen according to her passions. You see, one favorite aspect is good, but it's still something that any other woman could receive. By combining all these aspects, ALL OF WHICH YOU CAN BET SHE WILL RECOGNIZE INSTANTLY, you make the entire gift uniquely personal, in spite of the fact that everything is mass-produced. Now, to top it off...

A small, hand-written note or card that says how much you've enjoyed having her in your life and how much you look forward to sharing more with her - NO PREPRINTED VERSE OR PROSE OF ANY KIND - includes a permanent piece of you in the mix, and gives her something to put in the treasure box. I have personally seen women burst into tears over simple gifts like this, simply because their man knew them well enough and cared enough about them to make the small effort that it takes to do it. All it takes is knowing your partner, which you should (and will be expected to do whether you have or not!) if you've been with her any time at all.

If she's like Joe's wife except that she doesn't like chocolate so much, and her hands get cold when she drives, a nice pair of driving gloves - in the correct size and that match a scarf she wears, her handbag, favorite coat, or something significant like that - stuffed into the coffee mug is perfect. If she doesn't do charm bracelets and charms, maybe a small coin run through one of those machines that converts it into an imprinted souvenir coin, or a ticket stub you saved from a concert or ball game there, even a subway pass to an event - anything to remind her of a very special time - or tickets to an upcoming event - to create a new special memory - will work.

Know your partner, and choose her gifts based on what you know. Know above all else that the idea behind a gift is to celebrate partnership and make her feel special, not to buy her favor. The idea is to show that you love and notice her, not to be needy or try to buy her, which are creepy and insulting to all but a gold-digger precisely because they imply that you think she is a gold-digger who would expect and respond to such a thing, and no good woman will put up with that for an instant!

Guys, I hope you found that excerpt helpful, and again, this advice pertains to all women - mother, daughters, sisters, friends, coworkers, boss -- under all circumstances, not just your wife. I can't say it any more plainly or with any more conviction. Over 100 women were brought together for the express purpose of teaching me what makes women tick, what they want from men, what they respond to involuntarily in men, and how to communicate effectively with them.

They did their job and did it well. "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" was constructed from that research, and those women put this book to their partners to test and refine everything we covered. Anything that worked for 90% or more of those couples is in the book, and less effective principles are being refined for updates or discussed in this newsletter as potentials to explore.

It worked for them, and it's guaranteed to work for you. Download your copy right now at http://www.makingherhappy.com and join the many happy men and women who have brought their relationships back from boredom, affairs, and even divorce proceedings - some in under a week! -- to be exciting, fun, sexy, and richly rewarding, often better than it had ever been, because life's too short to spend it unhappy, bored, in fear of getting caught in an affair, or celibate.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham

0 As The World Burns

A ring of fire encircles Southern California as I jot down a few quick notes for this post. Half a million people have thus far fled their homes before the advancing flames, while something like thirteen hundred houses were reduced to nothing more than ashes and tears. Newspaper and television coverage is extensive, featuring dramatic, heart-breaking images and stories of those stricken by this fiery holocaust. With temperatures hovering in the mid-90's, and hot, dry Santa Ana winds whipping down through the canyons, it all feels rather biblical in a way - a bit like the end of the world - a feeling enhanced by the swarms of small black flies pestering all of us on the shooting crew. Unfortunately, that end-of-the-world feeling is nothing new here in LA.

Southern California may be going in up flames, but the show must go on - and at the moment I'm working with the set lighting crew filming "pick-ups" for "The L Word", Showtime's Sapphic soap opera now finishing up its fifth season. "The L Word" shoots in Vancouver, but since the storyline takes place in LA, they periodically pack up the cast and head south to film scenes in distinctive Southern California locations - the Sunset Strip, Malibu, the Hollywood Hills -- venues not so easily (read: cheaply) simulated in Canada. This morning, we started at a very modern glass and steel house perched high in the Hollywood Hills, and will later do a company move - all the equipment, trucks, cast, and crew - down to a caf'e on Third Street in West Hollywood. Shooting pick-ups (individual shots or scenes needed to complete a film or episodic drama) is all about locations and moves. Lots of moves. I did two of these pick-up shoots for "The L Word" last year, the first of which shot seventeen separate locations in the first five days. That meant two or three full company moves every day, which is extremely demanding work. Arising at 4 a.m. to repeatedly unload, deploy, then re-load heavy lighting equipment over the course of 16 hours before dragging one's exhausted ass home is an unsustainable pace over the long haul. But the budget is sacred in television, so "The L Word" production has committed to a tight schedule for eight shooting days - the last three of which will be "splits" - half day followed by half night. We'll be into the splits soon enough, which is where the going will really get tough. It's a doable schedule, but the entire crew will be ground down to the raw, bloody bone by the time it's over -- very likely early Thursday morning as the sun rises over Los Angeles. Lots of hours means fat paychecks, though, and with the looming writer's strike (which could hit as early as November 1) threatening to torpedo the entire television season and cripple feature film production, everyone in Hollywood is working as hard as they possibly can right now. It feels a bit like we're loading the ark in preparation for The Flood - only this flood, should it happen, will actually be a drought of a sort -- and in such a drought, everything burns.

Disasters of all kinds are an unavoidable part of the Southern California experience. If it's not an earthquake, it's a race riot. If not a riot, it's the floods, and if not floods, we're plagued by fire. Here's my own take on LA life in an excerpt from "Brother's Keeper", a yet-to-be published novel.

"After that, nothing. Every morning I sat down at my desk, put on the happy voice, and worked the phone. It didn't do any good. I was just another dog on a short chain, barking at the wind. July came and went, leaving a thin layer of dust and another pile of bills on the kitchen table, then August kicked in the door with a brutal heat wave made all the worse by a sudden influx of moist tropical air from a storm off the Mexican coast. All that humidity blended with the daily outpouring of automotive and industrial effluence to form a caustic atmospheric soup strong enough to sting my eyes. Southern Californians take a perverse sort of pride in their famously bad air, but even the leather-lunged natives were left reeling by this siege of smog, heat, and suffocating humidity. The only saving grace was the knowledge that this too would pass. Another couple of months would bring the Santa Ana Winds howling in from the desert, bone dry and fiercely hot, to blow all that smog out to sea. But every form of salvation has its price, and with the winds would come fire, great roaring walls of flame to char the arid hillsides and anything else in their way. And when the rains finally came, flooding and mud slides were sure to follow. It's always something in this big, ugly mess of a city."

As so often happens during disasters, the current firestorm has at least one salutary function: bringing a badly-needed sense of balance to the typical navel-gazing Hollywood perspective. We in the Industry like to talk about how hard we often have to work, and it's true - I once worked a 26 hour day on a shoot that left me so bruised and tired I could barely crawl home. But the hardest film job I've ever done wasn't as tough as what those fire fighters (men and women) endure on a daily basis during their own busy season, when our world burns. Theirs is sweaty, exhausting, and dangerous work, breathing smoke and eating dust in an effort to save forests, houses, and lives. While the rest of us flee the intense heat, they walk right into the inferno, so if you're still searching for heroes, don't look to pampered movie actors or millionaire professional athletes -- look to the fire fighters.

But while they fight the flames, I sit here in shorts and a T shirt on the fender of a humming 750 amp generator that supplies power to the set, where the actresses stage another emotional cat-fight for the cameras. If the scenes we've been filming are to be believed, lesbian relationships are buffeted by more "Sturm und Drang" than those of the rest of us put together. Still, with Cybil Shepard, Jennifer Beals, and Wallace Shawn (he of "My Dinner With Andre" -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My Dinner with Andre ) adding a touch of thespian class to the production, we're making the best of it. If working on a lesbian soap opera as Southern California goes up in flames sounds a bit like fiddling while Rome burns, I suppose it is -- but I'm a juicer, not a firefighter. They do their job and I do mine. Ours is a very abstract world...

The cycles of destruction and renewal spin on in Southern California. Those who choose to work and live here either learn to take this in stride, move away, or slowly go insane - and sometimes, all of the above. The lucky ones find a way to nurture a fatalism allowing them to go with the flow and make the best of whatever happens, while the rest of us chew the worry rag and drink to forget the ticking time-bomb that will - as it has before - turn the world upside down with no warning whatsoever.

In the weeks following the devastating Northridge Earthquake in 1994(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1994 Northridge Earthquake ), I worked a series of commercials in and around Los Angeles. While scouting locations in a van with the other department heads, the radio suddenly blared a warning of an aftershock, advising all vehicles to exit the freeways as quickly as possible. Since we were at that precise instant sailing across a very long, very high, and suddenly very vulnerable overpass, this was a decidedly uncomfortable moment. With nowhere to go but down, the only real question was how fast and controlled would be our descent -- and right then, I was anything but fatalistic about the immediate future. Burned into my brain was the indelible vision of so many elevated freeways and overpasses reduced to rubble in a matter of seconds... and I let out a profound sigh of relief that the van finally reached the relative safety of "solid" ground.

In that, I was not alone, and neither are the victims of this latest disaster, who for the most part will be made whole, in time -- just in time, perhaps, for the next tectonic, meteorologic, or man-made catastrophe. If not one thing, it'll be another. Southern California is what it is, and no amount of wishing can change that. We live and work here at our own peril, taking the good with the bad, and hoping against hope for the best.

"

0 Everyone Has A Light Part Deux

[this is a continuation of an earlier post]Master Yunmen said, "Everyone has a light." Really? Even if that is true, the fact remains that we walk through this world as if we were in constant darkness. We pollute, commit acts of violence, accumulate wealth while others starve, etc. We constantly feel lonely, angry, betrayed, abused, etc. None of this is news to anyone. But sometimes, miraculously, this darkness is pierced by the light - and no amount of being told that the light is everywhere all the time can substitute for the actual experience of seeing the light for oneself. More specifically, even though everyone has a light it is a very rare experience, a great treasure, when we see that light coming from someone else. In her song "Pulse" Ani Difranco refers first to an artificial light ("the hallway light") and says that "this is nothing compared to the dawn" - but then she goes on to say that even the light of the sun is "nothing compared to the light which seeps" from her beloved lying asleep beside her. And as she sleepily and lovingly bathes in that light Ani feels that she would be willing to give her own breath, her own pulse, for the sake of the one that she loves.Love - whether it is the love of friendship (that is, true, deep, loving friendship), or the more romantic, sexual variety - is a great mystery. In fact it is the ultimate mystery of our very existence - the mystery of self and other. To experience true love, true intimacy, even one time, even fleetingly, is to taste what the Buddha called anatman - "no self". In that intimacy the friend/lover finds her true self in the beloved other - and in that same instant self and other cease to exist as neatly separable beings. It is not just deep friendship and romantic love that have this quality of dissolving the boundary between self and other. Perhaps more than any other relationship that of parent and child also pulls back the curtain to reveal the emptiness behind the veil of self. But all of these relationships are universal (or very nearly so) to all human beings. In that case most of us have seen the light. And yet. Even having experienced the deepest of intimacy, the greatest and highest of spiritual treasures, the ego still exists. Grasping, loneliness, envy, anger, despair - all still exist. Love does not "fix" the ego, but it does provide a light that shines the way - a different way. As the old Buddhist clich'e tells us - it is a finger pointing to the moon. Ganto and Seppo had a friendship like that: a deep friendship that was, in a sense, based on nothing whatsoever. Unconditional love is just that - not conditioned by anything. This is not some far-away unattainable goal. Newborn infants are able to survive only because of unconditional love. True friends who will do anything for one another - despite all their faults as human beings - have that kind of love. Even a horny love-struck teenager gets a taste of it. The story of Seppo's great enlightenment experience is often explained in terms that are decidedly "dualistic". For example - Ganto is enlightenend and Seppo is not. Or - at the beginning Seppo is not enlightened - and then later he is. The word dualism gets thrown around a lot, so let me state, as clearly as I can, how I mean this term. To me, dualism means the idea that there is something in the universe, or, more specifically, something inside of us, that needs to be gotten rid of. Any kind of world-view that seeks to identify, and then eliminate, all the "bad stuff" - that is what I call dualism. Enlightenment is not like that at all - it is not something that Ganto has but Seppo lacks. Much less is it something that Ganto can give to Seppo. The enlightened mind is nothing other than the mind which does not seek to get rid of anything at all. What is Ganto up to when he pokes fun at his friend? "You look just like a road-side shrine, sitting there like that." Some commentators even go so far as to assert that Ganto and his teacher (who is also Seppo's teacher) have contrived this whole trip just to bring about Seppo's enlightenment! But there is nothing calculating at all about either Ganto or Seppo - they are both of them unimpeachably just being themselves. And, as true friends, Ganto is even more Ganto when he is with Seppo - and vice versa. This is the opposite of how we are with anyone else, anyone who is not a true friend. With anyone other than a true friend we constantly betray ourselves - we hide our light. Of course, being human, we are also capable (all too capable - as Nietzsche might say) of betraying ourselves even with those who love us - but at least with a true friend we are more likely to relax and naturally be just who and what we are (whatever that is). Another "dualistic" interpretation of the story of Ganto and Seppo is that Ganto's way of living is somehow superior to Seppo's. Ganto, according to this analysis, acts the way an enlightened person is supposed to act - carefree and spontaneous. Seppo, on the other hand, acts the way an unenlightened person acts - he is neurotic and uptight, his "mind is not at rest" as he himself puts it. As is often the case with dualism, there is some truth to this. Sure, Seppo and everyone else might be happier if he lightened up a little. But Seppo's great virtue is that he cannot lie to himself. He cannot pretend to "be cool". He is already being true to himself.The worst possible misrepresentation of this story would be to think that Seppo changes into something else as a result of his awakening. And here is the other great mystery, alongside that of self and other. The mystery of returning to your true self. This is the great mystery of coming back, coming home, to the human realm; a journey that is only possible within the human realm itself. There are times, many times, in our lives when we rely completely and desperately on those that we love and who love us. But there is great reciprocity in that reliance. The parent who holds a helpless, completely dependent child against his body is brought to life by that connection. The light is not diminished by shining. And two friends who travel together, like Seppo and Ganto, will see and do many things that they would have never experienced on their own.[the pic of ani difranco is from here]

Reference: dominant-male.blogspot.com

0 Must Read When She Gets Mad Keeping The Peace In Relationships And Marriage

Women get mad at us for a lot of different reasons, a significant number of which have nothing whatsoever to do with us. Handle it wrong and you're in the dog house; handle it right and you're golden...

Today you're going to get a HUGE favor. I've abstained from writing about today's subject in this newsletter because quite frankly it's something I want men to learn after reading my book, but something has happened that compels me to do so before I can do another thing.

I got a call telling me that another of my best friends has died, this one in a car crash after he and his wife had an argument about something they shouldn't have even been discussing at the time. She was moody and upset, needed an outlet, picked a fight with him over something he'd said two weeks prior, and he left in a huff, apparently to try to cool off.

He got plowed at an intersection. He was not intoxicated or otherwise impaired, but witnesses said he ran a red light and was struck in the driver's side door by an oncoming car. It was only two blocks from his home, so while there is no way of knowing what really happened, we must admit that there is at least a high probability that he was angry or otherwise distracted, or possibly driving too aggressively, and paid for it with his life. Fortunately, the driver of the car that hit him sustained only minor injuries thanks to safety belt and air bags.

Dane was a good guy, a very rugged, manly man, but he was stubborn as the day is long and repeatedly refused to read a copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" because he thought it was silly for a man to read a book about how to get along with women. A pity, because it could have saved his life.

Dane never learned how to deal with his wife's temper and moodiness. He had an odd temperament himself; it took a lot to make him angry, but if you pushed him that far, he went all the way and just blew up. He never hit his wife, and never said anything purposely to hurt her, but he would yell and knock things over and then leave to keep from destroying his home any further or hurting his wife, and thought that was handling it well enough. As I said, a good guy, but stubborn.

So to try to make sure that this doesn't happen to any of you, I'm going to tell you about women's anger and how to handle it. And I will ask something of you in return for improving your relationship and possibly saving your life as well, but we'll get to that in a bit...

Sometimes women just get angry to bleed off the emotional energy of being bored and frustrated. I've written frequently and at length about this problem how to avoid it, and you can find a lot of articles in my archive about it, but the two most relevant are "Women's Biggest and Loudest Complaint About Men, and What You Can Do About It BEFORE It Kills Your Relationship" and "Differing Emotional Scales: A Key to Understanding Women and Improving Your Relationship."

If you've not read them, please do so, because understanding boredom and a woman's emotional scale are critical to properly handling and avoiding fights.

Women can also easily get mad at you for something they THINK you've done, without first trying to find out whether in fact you've done it. They're much more emotionally-driven than we are, and worse, emotionally-dominated. The reasons for both these traits are spelled out in the two aforementioned archived articles, so I won't repeat them here; there's already a lot that must be said (and read) today and limited space (and time) in which to say it (and read it).

Then the clincher, they get mad at you over something you really have done, whether you realize it or not. It's important that you understand all this so that you will then understand how critical it is to try to find out which kind of anger you're dealing with. For instance, if she's mad at you for something you haven't done, there's not a whole lot you can do to "undo" it, right?

So, the obvious first step is to try to determine, OBJECTIVELY, whether she has a legitimate issue, just thinks she does, or doesn't care whether she does because she just needs to vent and you happen to be handy.

If she's just in a foul mood or picking a fight over something ridiculous, point out to her that she's angry at something that normally wouldn't be an issue, and that you'll be happy to either try to do something with her to bleed off that energy or she can pitch a fit at somebody else, because being a whipping post isn't in your job description.

Or, if you've mastered the art of the naughty boy grin, call the preceding "plan B" and bust on her a bit and convert that negative energy to positive, playful energy. Even if you've not mastered it, give it a shot, and if she insists on remaining pissy then go with "plan B."

It's a little tougher when she thinks you've done something that you haven't, because you're facing genuine anger instead of general moody pisstivity. She thinks she really has an issue.

Instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and blurting, "What did I do?" which almost instantly pins guilt on you by triggering psychological anchors from past fights, or "What's wrong with you?" which is absurd when you think about it because it's obvious that what's wrong with her is that she's angry, in a leadership tone, tell her, "Tell me what's really bothering you so we can get it fixed and move on."

It's important that you direct her to open up rather than asking her anything. The act of leadership alone will help to calm her anger and subconsciously make her feel like you are interested in listening and making amends. The same thing applies when you suspect that she really has a legitimate issue, and the same process should be followed up to this point.

The difference here, when you're dealing with "real" anger, is that there are two and only two possibilities: that she does or does not have a legitimate issue. In neither case do you want to argue with her, because nobody ever wins an argument. Now that you've ascertained what she thinks is the real problem, your job is to lead her out of being mad.

That doesn't mean that you con her. I'm talking about true leadership and a real solution. If she just thinks that you've done something that you really haven't done, start with, "I think I may see where you could think something like that, but here's what's really happened..." and then just explain it to her. If she tries to reject your explanation because she's still amped up or wants to stay pissed until she can milk some more adrenaline out of it, go back to the plan for handling a mood, and try first to convert the negative energy to positive by getting playful and if that fails, tell her she's going to have to be angry with somebody else because enabling pissy, bratty, bad behavior by arguing or fighting with her is not in your job description.

If you have indeed done something wrong, your job is still to lead her out of the situation. First, you admit that whatever you did was wrong, could have been handled better, or whatever is an appropriate admission for the offense, and tell her that it was a mistake that you won't be repeating, at least not deliberately, and that you didn't do whatever it was to hurt her or make her angry.

There is no need to be heaping apology on top of apology, and in truth, much of the time an apology can actually work against you if you have already admitted that you were wrong. An admission of guilt and expression of remorse is strong, while many women - but not all - view apologies as weak, especially if they are repeated. And it can be one of those "be careful what you wish for" things too, where she wants an apology and loses respect for you if you give her one; unfortunately today, the general attitude in many business is that it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and we all hear the words "I'm sorry for any inconvenience" so often that it induces nausea instead of relief, and you don't want to tap into something that has already put a bad taste in her mouth.

This issue of apologies varies widely from woman to woman, and you're best bet in handling it is to ask her at some time when she's in a good mood how she views apologies, and whether she's ever noticed losing respect for someone or seeing them as somehow weaker after they did so. This is the kind of "what's really inside you" question that women like to discuss, and you'll get the best answer she can give you. Then when the situation arises, watch her reaction to see if it is congruent with what she's told you.

Getting back to the altercation, once you have admitted guilt and pledged a better effort in the future (which you'd better make good on or you will lose credibility very fast!), if she continues to act pissy and like she's trying to hang on to the anger, again try to flip it around to playful, and if she refuses to go there, refuse to be an enabler and tell her that you're not going to be a wuss and grovel before her. You've admitted guilt and pledged reform, and if she wants anything more than an apology beyond that, she can talk to you after she calms down.

There are several caveats here. First, NEVER, under any circumstances, try to buy her off with some kind of gift or favor, even if she demands it. You'll only anchor the gift to a negative meaning and emotion, and look like too big a wuss to handle a problem head on. Indeed, if she demands it, she's doing one of two things: she's testing you to see if you'll wuss out and try to buy her or she's proving that she can be bought, proving in turn that she's a prostitute, not a wife, and you need to get her out of your life quietly and quickly, before she decides that she's going to leave and has time to bleed you dry and hide the assets.

Next, never succumb to the urge to return fire if she starts saying things to try to hurt you, because once it's said, it can't be taken back. Don't slink away with your tail between your legs, but do tell her that there is obviously an issue that needs to be worked out and she can talk to you about it when she has calmed down and is ready to address the issue instead of pitching a fit or being abusive, but in the meantime, you're her husband, not a whipping post, and she will deal with you as her husband or not at all. (If you can't stand up TO her when you should, in her estimation, you can't stand up FOR her when you should, which causes her to instantly lose respect and attraction for you, so don't hesitate to stand tall.)

There's never anything to be gained from a competition to see who can hurt each other the most. That's called "war," the most spectacular and costly of all human endeavors, and it is a last resort, not a standard operating procedure. You fight when all other options have been exhausted, and not until, and when you fight, you fight coldly and deliberately to end the fight, not out of anger to punish. If you find yourself pushed to the point of having no choice but to fight with a woman you're living with, you're either with the wrong woman or she's with the wrong man.

And if there is a single rule that will help you get through delicate situations without a fight, it is this:

"Always focus on what is wrong and how to fix it, not who is wrong and should be punished."

It sounds simple because it is, and it works better than anything I've ever seen. As long as the two of you are focused on the problem and fixing the problem, you are in a mode of cooperation, even if one or both of you is upset. It's when the discussion turns competitive - Who's right? Who's wrong? Who gets punished? Who gets to "win" the fight and who has to "lose"? - that things escalate and get ugly, and there's really no good reason that should ever happen.

So that's it. Use it in good health. Live long and prosper.

That's some of the most important advice that anyone will ever give you, and it works for everything from a moody little spat to a working through divorce issues. It's also one of the cornerstones of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and I'm giving it to you unsolicited and with my blessing.

In return, I'm going to ask a favor or two. First, invite your friends, whether they are having trouble or not, to subscribe to this newsletter by filling out that short subscription form at the bottom of the page at http://www.makingherhappy.com/. Also download my free "Break-Up Busting 101" report at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/144-Free-Reports! (and go ahead and join and browse the forum while you're there!), and attach it to this e-mail and forward it to them as well, and invite them to pass it on so we can start putting an end to at least some of the fighting and frustration that goes on in every couple before somebody else ends up dead during or after a "domestic dispute."

Second, visit my new web site, again at http://www.makingherhappy.com/, and seriously consider downloading your own copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," especially since there's new content going in and there's about to be a price hike. (All buyers get free lifetime updates.) It's time to learn all those things that you should have been taught earlier in life about women, relationships, and marriage, and make your life and relationship all it can be, because life can be fleeting; it can be gone before you know it, and for no good reason.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham "Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham