Let's say you're in a restaurant - a sushi bar - and there are two women sitting next to where you and your friend are sitting. What most guys will do in this situation is spend the whole night trying to figure out what to say to the woman he finds attractive and how to get into a conversation with her.
Once he does get into that conversation with her, he smothers her. You know, he won't make it casual and fun.
The key to opening a woman is understanding that you need to give a woman the best 15 to 45 seconds of you... and then walk away. So let's break down this scene even more, which my client and I happened to be in by the way.
He and I were sitting in a sushi bar next to two women who were there enjoying a girls' night out. So we opened them with casual conversation. We talked about food and about what they were ordering... for 30 seconds and that was it.
During that 30 seconds you speak with energy, conviction and confidence by saying something like “Hey that looks good!” or “Can I have a bite of that?” or “What are you getting?” Speak with a confident tone in your voice, not a whiny one.
So what you do is talk to her, then you ignore her. You basically turn around and continue talking to your friend. By doing that, you are building trust. You are building confidence in yourself, because if you can do it for 30 seconds now you will be able to do it for 60 seconds the next time.
Not only that - and this is really the key thing - but by the second and third time you talk to her you have become a familiar face. So then, all of a sudden, you're not a stranger anymore. She will become very familiar and things with her will become very playful.
Women like things to be playful. That's what happened that night. When our order arrived, one of the women asked us “What is that?” We said “It's Yellowtail.” They said “Wow, that looks good!” At that point you can offer them a bite of your Yellowtail.
So by investing only 75ў for an extra piece of Yellowtail for them, you get the opportunity to talk to them a little bit more about food while keeping things playful and very fun. Maybe you find out a little more about them by asking how many times they have been to that restaurant, or whatever might start the conversation again.
What happens next - and it's not important what you say but HOW you say it - is that things stay very playful. They will get something to eat next, and it becomes like a game. Every time they have a new plate of food, you say to them “What are you eating now? What is that?”
It's now the third time you are talking to them, and what happens psychologically is that as you have these repeated little conversations they become more familiar and you become less nervous. You start seeing them as much less intimidating and you stop being intimidated by them. You start being able to communicate better with them, because you built up your communication with them in little bursts and each conversation got longer and longer.
What you talk about also gets more and more interesting every time you do it. Now you stop talking about food, and start finding out more interesting things about them. We found out, for example, that the women were there celebrating a birthday. Then you stop talking to them again.
It was on the fourth time we talked to them that things really started to heat up. We started talking to them about image, what we did for a living, what they did for a living, where we all were from, and about relationships.
This is where things started getting deeper. This is where all the pertinent parts of a conversation that I always talk about come into play: the power of he talk / she talk, the power of asking the right personal questions, and how to get deep inside a woman.
This is really a simple kind of approach, and you haven't done what most guys do when they go in to approach a woman. What most guys do is spend two hours trying to figure out what to say, instead of going in for the small conversations and walking away.
Every time you use small doses when initiating conversation with a woman, you are able to get more comfortable with her with each conversation. The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she will be. It becomes a very energy-driven thing, because if you go in all nervous then she's going to be all nervous. If you go in comfortable, then she's going to get comfortable.
That is why I always suggest, especially in a bar/restaurant or in a coffee shop where women will be sitting down, to go in for conversation in small doses. It gives you the ability to really shine.
This is what happened that night with my client. By the fourth or fifth conversation, he was so comfortable that I was sitting there texting on my BlackBerry while he was comfortably talking to the women about his son.
They really enjoyed the conversation as well. They even mentioned how we were different from every other guy because we listened to them.
Later, I will tell you the answer to the question of how you close a woman once you have mastered the skill of knowing how to open her.
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