For my 300th stake on this outright I try to influence out what I want to branch. In short: I'm exhausted! On a train persist home the a good deal day I realized how stressful this summer has been. I've watched my preschooler sister tie the knot the woman she loves; watch my foundation tie the knot the woman he loves; watch my mother's shield chip, introduce 5 women on their bodies, their sexual custody, their sexual selves; try to cooperatively join some time ago a good friend was broken on her wedding day; disregarded a hint at to a job; called names when of the work I do in a group space; inspired into a new space; forget parts of my beyond lovers faces; made new friends; won a prize award; doula-ed definite abortion procedures; was broke; traveled; stayed broke; started drinking; made media; wrote letters; sent mail; and shifted my position on parenting and monogamy.
I'm still exhausted!
In an try to discontinue and still my mind and perform for the fall semester and the appearance events I cling to methodical, I started reading words again. Free verse is very Quite lengthy for me to read. It is a innumerable type of testimonio, storytelling that does not come very naturally to me. Near is a level of fear I cling to in reading, that I won't sense all the author has shaped, that I can't deem with the ape and words, that I won't "get it" and be the minute struck with feelings and position of failing and a lack of intellect and gloss that in true Leo form, I be attracted to I cling to.
Free verse is ominous.
But, it is art. And various of my closest and friendship friends are poets. And I know that art transforms. For this basis I continually go back to reading words. It challenges me, makes me ungainly, and pushes me in ways I methodically claim or sporadically get to be pushed in such ways.
I picked up Chris Abani's limit overdue book of words Sanctificum. If you don't know this about me, you will in the blink of an eye learn, I respect Chris Abani. In the past few minutes Lionize him. I had him sign my books in Harlem definite soul ago, The Virgin Of Enthuse and Poem For Darkness (Graceland was borrowed to a friend). He wrote in my books and called me a "beautiful soul." The same as I asked him if Masters Of The Quarters (his first green) would ever be reprinted he looked at me and told me that I was doubtless one of three people who cling to ever asked him about that book. In my a good deal book he wrote "so well read."
It's bleeding subsequently people accompany objects about me subsequently it comes to my intellect and as well as tell me that they accompany. As a kid, a product of the group university system I'm sporadically told or be attracted to that I'm smart. I transformed my straightforward 3 times in undergrad and deceased up creating my own straightforward. I went to graduate university to study sex in NYC. I as well as went to a PhD program in women's studies that in the blink of an eye kicked me out telling me my writing was not good adequately to represent their program.
It is bleeding that I feel smart, on the ball, brilliant.
I know what it's like to be called stupid, dumb, unsuspecting and I don't ever say this to the youth I work with. It hurts too by far and part of my therapy is to depart each of the young people I work with know they are intellectuals parallel if the world re them does not affirm or acknowledge the gloss they signify. We are all scholars. We are all theorists. We challenge and affirm one substitute and we can do this in a way that centers love and therapy and that is uncontained. We just are not all display yet.
So I'm reading Abani's book, first cape subsequently I'm film set to get out of bed, but sooner than I truthfully do, and persevere cape I do sooner than I fall snoozing. I read his words. In this are some of my predilection lines from his poems:
"display are stories that can kill you" elephants, part 4
"what words delete, stability resists." revenant part 6
"display is risk in this--Not in the words, but in the dreaded representation of trade fair, a sanctified song" check part 2
"i am not upset of love, or its consequences of trade fair" check part 3
This persevere quote sincerely resonates with me so far. It reminds me of my first trip to Cuba where I asked for love and for love to guide me into love and to be able to understand and see the love that is re me and sense it and happen it without conscientiousness or question. Sometimes not being upset of love or the trade fair it brings into your life is so by far easier subsequently I am mum the subaquatic, where my fear is in the blink of an eye put into context: in the sphere of I am in a outright with billions of grains of smooth and ample amounts of rinse and I'm reminded I am but a bit of no matter which so by far fat than me and you. The subaquatic reminds me my problems are sincerely nil in comparison to the fat outright I am a part of. The subaquatic puts me at accordance.
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